The Secrets She Keeps
by freudianslip87
Summary: Castle is in the Hamptons for the summer and Kate's back in the city alone. What happens when her past comes back to haunt her? What secrets has she been keeping? Rated M for some graphic content and language
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This one literally came to me in a dream. It's kind of AU but not majorly. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. If it was, Castle would never have taken the slutty ex-wife to the Hamptons!**

**Xxx**

_Prologue_

When Kate Beckett was eighteen years old, she wanted to be a surgeon. She wanted to save lives one slice, on incision at a time. So when she entered Columbia University—her dream school—she immediately signed up for every pre-med course she could. She was bright and intelligent and inquisitive and painfully innocent.

She truly _believed_ she could change the world.

Kate was a serious student but she liked to have a good time, too. So when the handsome, smart Owen Hammond sat down beside her in freshman Biology on the fourth day of class, she did what most girls did—she flirted.

Owen Hammond was unlike any guy eighteen year-old Kate had ever met. He was charming and self assured and at least as smart as she was. And he shared her goals—to become a doctor. To _change the world._ When he asked her on a date, it didn't occur to her to do anything but say yes.

And one date turned into two. And two turned into three. The morning after the fourth date, she called her mother gushing about her new boyfriend.

Kate didn't really like parties but Owen did so they went to several over the first weeks they were dating. If they got too wild, Owen would usually take her home. Even when things were fairly tame, she mostly sat by quietly and watched. Overindulging in alcohol had never been her thing and she was by nature shy and reserved.

It was sitting and watching one of these parties that she met Olivia Kent.

"You're Owen's girlfriend, right?" the smiling redhead said, dropping down to sit beside her.

Kate nodded politely. "Kate Beckett," she introduced herself.

"Olivia Kent." She pointed to a tall, good-looking guy standing by the keg with Owen. "My boyfriend, Peter, is a friend of Owen's. Apparently Owen thought we'd hit it off."

"Did he?" Kate asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Mmhmm." Olivia leaned forward in her chair, grinning. "So, Kate Beckett. Tell me about yourself."

Owen had been right, in the end. They _did_ hit it off. They had a lot in common and began spending much of their free time together. Olivia wanted to be a teacher and together they dreamed of traveling to impoverished countries, offering education and medical care.

In January of their freshman year, rumors began to circulate of rapes occurring on campus a couple weekends a month. None of the girls were willing to press charges or even tell anyone who their assailants were. No one paid the rumors much mind at first. But as the stories intensified, it got harder to ignore.

By mid-march, Owen was suggesting that Kate not accompany him to parties. Peter was suggesting the same for Olivia.

"Stay home and watch a movie with Liv," Owen would say. "Pete and I will go. You guys never liked partying anyway."

It was true so the girls readily agreed. In all honesty, it was a relief to spend her evenings at home holed up watching movies or talking with Olivia instead of watching Owen party. It started as usually only one night of each weekend but soon escalated to both.

Kate felt a little neglected but figured Owen was protecting her. Besides, she didn't _like_ to go to parties and he did. It was strange, though. He kept her at home when he went out to party but if she wanted to walk across campus with Olivia after dark, he'd send her on her way. He didn't bother to walk them. But when they _did_ go places together, he gripped her arm tightly, as though to keep her close to him.

She thought it was all a little weird but she brushed it off, only mention it once—to Olivia. Her friend merely shrugged.

"Peter's acting weird, too," she said. "But this whole sexual assault thing has everyone on edge. It'll blow over."

Kate wasn't entirely sure but she agreed.

The first week in May was a busy one. She had several papers due and when the weekend hit she was ready to relax. Knowing Owen was at a party, she grabbed some microwave popcorn and a couple of movies and headed to Olivia's.

Walking across campus, she spotted Owen's pickup truck parked outside the science building. At first, she thought she was mistaken—that it wasn't Owen's. He rarely drove it and it made no sense for it to be there. When she looked closer, though, she spotted the dent on the side from the time she opened the door into a lamppost—it was definitely Owen's.

Perplexed, she went into the building. It was Friday and the place was deserted. She had no idea why Owen would be parked outside. She was just about to give up and leave when she saw a strip of light peeking out from under the door of one of the lecture halls.

She stepped inside, expecting to find Owen and Peter drawing inappropriate pictures on the board or something stupid and juvenile like that. They'd probably be drunk, she reasoned.

Instead, she found them kneeling over a girl. Peter was straddling her, pants around his ankles and Owen was poking him, wanting to know when it'd be "his turn."

It was Olivia. She had a gag shoved in her mouth to silence her and tears ran down her face. She looked desperate and terrified, panicked.

Kate screamed.

"Oh my God," she gasped as Owen whirled to face her. "It's _you. _It's been you the whole time…"

She was sure of it, more sure than she'd ever been of anything. The campus rapists were Owen and Peter and Kate, the naïve girlfriend, had been utterly clueless until now.

"Shut up, Katie," Owen snarled.

"It was you," she repeated, her voice trembling. "It was you…"

His hand shot out and he slapped her.

"Shut up," he said, shoving her to the ground. She struggled to get up but he pinned her. "It's funny, isn't it?" he said, his breath hot on her face. "I've had dozens of girls on this campus, but I've never had you. My fucking girlfriend."

Deftly, he yanked down his pants and hers, all while keeping her pinned to the floor. He was inside of her faster than she thought was possible. He laughed which each thrust, sneering at her tears. When he was finished, he climbed off of her, zipping his pants.

"Fun, huh, Katie?" he said. "Maybe we can go again later."

She let out a soft sob as her stomach heaved. She swallowed hard, not wanting to throw up.

"Owen!" Peter was saying. "Owen, we've gotta go."

"Coming!" Owen called. "Just let me shut her up." He grasped her by the shoulders, grip tightening as she tried to wrench away. "It's my word against yours, Katie. And I always get what I want."

She tried desperately to pull from his grasp, to kick him, knee him, anything. But he was too quick, too strong—_she'd always admired how strong he was—_and he slammed her hard against the floor. An explosion of pain radiated from the back of her head and she saw brightly colored lights before everything went black.

When she woke up in the hospital the next morning, her mother beside her, her head was bandaged and an IV dripped into her arm.

Her mother sobbed, stroking her hair.

"You're safe, darling," she said again and again. "You're safe now."

Then she said Owen was outside, waiting.

"He's been here all night," she said. "Wouldn't go anywhere."

An image of Owen kneeling over her, pants down, violating her, sprang to her mind and she cried out.

"No!" she gasped. "No…no!"

"Darling, he wants to see you," her mother begged. "He's been so worried…"

"No! It was him. It was Owen!"

No, her mother tried to reason. It had been Peter who'd done it. Owen had turned him in. She was confused. It had been Peter—not Owen.

"No," she said again and again. "It was Owen! It was Owen!"

She was still crying when a police officer poked her head in. She had a folder in her hand and looked grim.

"Mrs. Beckett," she said gravely. "A word?"

So her mother stepped out to talk to the cop and Kate sobbed all the while.

"It was Owen. It was Owen…"

It wasn't until hours later, until after the rape kit confirmed that Owen was, indeed, her assailant, that they told her about Olivia.

Olivia was dead. She'd asphyxiated on the gag they'd used to keep her quiet. While Kate lay unconscious, Olivia had struggled to breathe until she couldn't anymore. She'd been more or less alone. A janitor had found them, had called 911.

Kate was rushed to the hospital with bruises and a minor head wound.

And Olivia was dead.

Johanna Beckett was a teacher, she no longer worked for the DA. But it didn't stop her from making sure her daughter's case was prosecuted by the best lawyers she could find. Kate spent that summer watching her mother work like a wild-woman, pursuing justice.

The only forensic evidence they had was on Kate and Olivia. None of the other girls had come forward soon enough and their cases were purely anecdotal.

Peter and Owen were charged with just two counts of rape and manslaughter—killing Olivia wasn't even murder because they hadn't meant for her to die.

Their combined sentences added up to just ten years in prison.

Kate Beckett no longer wanted to be a doctor—she couldn't even walk past the science building without vomiting, couldn't pass through the doors without a full-blown panic attack. A month into her sophomore year she changed her major and started studying pre-law.

The legal system had failed her and Olivia and the other victims. And she was determined to make the system better. She couldn't change the world as a doctor so she'd do it as lawyer.

She studied harder than ever and was accepted into Harvard Law her senior year. She took flowers to Olivia's grave and promised her friend she'd become the best prosecutor there was—no one would get away with doing what had been done to her.

Then her mother was killed—two weeks before graduation.

This time, the legal system didn't even get a chance to fail. The police failed them long before the case got that far. They never went to court. No one was even charged.

Kate made it through a semester of law school before dropping out, returning to New York, and applying to the Police Academy.

The legal system was useless, she reasoned, if there were no cops. It was the cops, she'd decided, that could try to make things better, save at least a piece of the world. They were the ones who caught the criminals, maybe even prevented some of the crimes.

Most people thought she became a cop because of what happened to her mom and they were mostly right. But Kate Beckett also became a cop to catch the Owens of the world. To find every scrap of evidence against them and stop them from hurting more people. She did it to stop the Owens and the Peters.

And she did it to find justice for, and maybe even save, some of the Olivias.

At eighteen, Kate Beckett had wanted to be a doctor. At twenty, she'd wanted to be a lawyer. By twenty-two, she'd decided to be a cop.

She wasn't idealistic or naïve or innocent. She wasn't inquisitive or eager to learn. She was resigned. She'd wanted to save the world once. Now she knew she couldn't. But she could do her best to make things at least a tiny bit better.

Even if the world was long past saving.

Xxx

**A/N2: Yeah, I know, we probably already know most of Kate's twisted past. But like I said, it came to me in a dream. This will continue into a story so stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey there! Thanks for reading. For those who read my "Mentalist" stories, I might be on hiatus from those for a bit—I'm having some writer's block :( **

**Disclaimer: If they were mine we'd be having loads of hot and dirty Castle-Beckett sex!**

**Xxx**

Chapter 1

"Goddamned bastard!"

Kate looked up from her paperwork to see Ryan storming into the precinct.

"Everything okay?" she asked as he slammed his coffee down on the desk so hard the hot liquid sloshed out all over his hand and the desk.

"No," he literally snarled, waving his hand. Esposito handed him a napkin.

"Dude," he said. "What's up?"

Ryan scowled as he tried to wipe up the coffee-mess. "Does the name Owen Hammond mean anything to you?" he wanted to know.

Kate's stomach rolled over and Esposito's brow furrowed.

"Rings a bell," he said. "Why?"

"He and a buddy of his were behind a bunch of sexual assaults at Columbia a couple years back. Got caught after they raped their girlfriends—one of the girls died." Ryan's expression was dark and angry. He'd stopped trying to mop up the coffee and was pacing back and forth.

"Sounds familiar," Esposito said.

Kate couldn't respond. She was too busy trying not to throw up.

_Owen Hammond._

They didn't know. They had no idea she was connected to that case, was one of the girlfriends. Besides her father, the only person in her life now who knew was Lanie.

"Yeah," Ryan was saying. "I guess they both got pretty minimal sentences. After Hammond got out, he apparently got re-arrested on burglary charges."

Kate nodded, remembering. She'd been relieved when she'd heard about it. If she could've had it her way, Owen Hammond would've been jail the rest of his life. He deserved it as far as she was concerned.

"What's he done now?" Esposito wanted to know.

"He's sayin' stuff," Ryan said. "About how he was falsely accused and didn't do anything. It's ridiculous since there was forensic evidence but he says he was framed."

Now Kate was sure she was going to be sick. She grabbed onto the edge of her desk and forced herself to breathe.

"It's just such a load of bull," Ryan continued angrily. "They didn't have a lot of forensics on him—we talked about it in the academy as an example of the importance of forensics—but they had enough! The bastard should be locked up."

Esposito nodded in agreement. "Fucking bastard," he seethed. He glanced at Kate. "Beckett," he said, "you're as white as a sheet."

She stood shakily, hardly able to hear him over the roaring in her ears.

_Owen Hammond, Owen Hammond, Owen Hammond…_

"I'm fine," she managed to say before fleeing. She crashed into the ladies room and into a stall, where she dropped to her knees before the toilet and retched.

Her name had been kept out of the media. The few mentions of it were long-since forgotten. There was no way for them to know that the surviving girlfriend had been her. That _she'd_ been raped and left unconscious on the floor while her best friend died. That it was _her_ who was being accused of lying, of making it up.

The very idea was enough to make her gag again. She was still heaving when Lanie came in, shoes clicking against the tile.

"Kate? Honey?" she called softly.

Kate grunted, unable to respond more fully. A moment later, Lanie was crouching beside her.

"The guys told me what happened. They're worried about you."

Kate wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "You didn't tell them anything, did you?"

Lanie stroked her hair gently. "No, of course not." She paused for a moment and when she spoke again, her voice shook. "I'm sorry, Kate."

"He's lying," Kate choked out. "He's _lying._ He's telling a bunch of lies and dragging it all up again."

"I know." Lanie's voice cracked and when Kate looked at her, she saw she was crying.

"I thought it was in the past," she said miserably. "I thought it was behind me."

Lanie rubbed her shoulder gently, expression brimming with sympathy. "I know, sweetie," she said quietly. "I know you did."

When they re-entered the bullpen ten minutes later, the guys jumped up to meet them.

"You okay, Beckett?" Ryan wanted to know, studying her anxiously.

"You're still really pale," Esposito added. "Maybe you should go home."

"I am," she admitted. "Lanie's driving me. But I wanted to talk to you two first. Could we go into the conference room?"

During their brief conversation, Lanie had convinced her not only to take the rest of the day off but to tell Ryan and Esposito the truth.

_They care,_ she'd said. _They should know. Maybe they can help._

She'd agreed, telling herself she had nothing to be ashamed of.

"Sure," Ryan said, leading the way. Kate and Lanie followed with Esposito bringing up the rear. Once in the conference room, Kate shut the door.

"It's about the Owen Hammond case," she said once they were seated.

They nodded.

God this was hard. She shut her eyes, raking her fingers through her hair.

"The girlfriend he's accusing of lying…it's me."

Silence.

"We started dating our freshman year at Columbia," she added. "Those rapes were happening all over campus but I had…I had no idea that it was Owen." She swallowed hard against the bile that rose in her throat. "One night I caught Owen and Peter—the other guy—raping Olivia…She was Peter's girlfriend and my best friend. Owen, uh, raped me and knocked me unconscious."

"_Beckett…"_ Esposito murmured. Ryan was silent but she could read the stark horror in his expression.

"I, um, thought you should know," she said hurriedly. "And for the record, I didn't lie…"

"We know," Ryan said, seeming to have found his voice. "We _know_, Beckett." He reached for her hand, closing his fingers around hers. "You'd never lie about something like that." He paused, expression darkening. "I'm _sorry,_ Beckett," he said roughly.

"We both are," Esposito said.

Kate stood shakily and they got up as well. "I trust you'll keep this to yourselves," she said.

They nodded vigorously.

"Of course," Ryan said. "But if you want us to do anything to nail the bastard, let us know."

She shook her head. "I think for now I want to see if it blows over." She looked at Lanie. "I think I'd like to go home now," she murmured. Her friend nodded gently.

"Of course."

They made their way toward the door. Kate was surprised when Esposito wrapped her in a hug.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so, so sorry."

"We're behind you," Ryan added, patting her back. "100%."

She smiled faintly. "Thanks guys."

She didn't cry until she got home. It wasn't until she was standing in her living room, Lanie hovering behind her, that the tears began to flow.

"Kate," Lanie said quietly. "Honey…what do you want me to do. Do you want me to stay? Do you want to be alone?"

With a slight sob, Kate spun around to face her friend. Tears fell down her cheeks and she tried futilely to wipe them away.

"Oh, honey," Lanie sighed. She held out her arms and Kate stumbled into them. Her last shred of independence was gone, her walls knocked down as she cried in her best friends arms.

She cried for the nameless, faceless victims, too scared or ashamed to come forward. She cried for Olivia, for what she'd suffered and all of the things she'd never gotten to do. And she cried for herself, the younger Kate who was too naïve and foolish to see what was right before her eyes.

She sobbed in Lanie's arms, remaining there until long after the tears were spent.

The logical part of her brain knew that what had happened wasn't her fault. But a part of her felt guilty nonetheless. It had been nearly fifteen years and the shame was still there.

Owen had been her secret for so long. She'd kept it carefully stored away in the past. But here it was again.

Back to haunt her.

Xxx

**A/N: Weird ending. I couldn't figure out how to end this chapter. Stay tuned!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: The angst continues! We get to hear from Castle this time.**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. **

**xxx**

Chapter 2

Richard Castle always said he didn't believe in writer's block. It was for posers wrote for fame or fortune and not because they liked it.

That was a load of bull.

He would never admit it but he got writer's block _all_ the time. Like now, for instance. Nikki Heat was going _nowhere_, even with Gina breathing down his neck constantly. He was pretty sure his deranged publisher/ex-wife was going to kill him soon.

Speaking of Gina, she'd been on the phone for almost an hour having what appeared to be an intense conversation. He could tell she was up to something—she had that look in her eye. When she finally hung up, he looked at her warily.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing, nothing," she said casually, waving him off. "Just some publicity things. Nothing that concerns you."

"Uh, if it's about my book it concerns me," he said with a frown. He was beginning to remember why they didn't get along.

"Don't worry," she insisted. "Just write, please. If you don't pick up the pace, publicity won't matter because there'll be no book!"

Sighing, he turned back to his computer. She had a point, after all.

Xxx

He dreamed about Nikki Heat that night. In his dream Nikki (who was really Beckett), fought off a bunch of ninjas in an alley. While ninjas certainly would find no place in his plot, the fight scene certainly had potential. It was exciting—not to mention _hot._

As soon as he got up, he logged into his computer. When he opened his internet browser, he nearly fell out of his chair.

Splashed across his Nikki Heat homepage in bold lettering it read: _Will the Real "Nikki Heat's" Sordid Past Come to Light in the Upcoming Novel?_

Below it were half a dozen links.

Horrified, he clicked one open. As he read, his head began to spin. He could hardly even breathe.

_It's a lie,_ he told himself. _None of it is true._

It couldn't be true. There was some mistake. Someone had false information, had hacked into his server…

So he clicked another link. And another. And another. Some connected him to other pages. It was _everywhere._

He read the articles in horror.

A long closed case, brought to the surface again. Accusations of lies and fraud. New York City detective Kate Beckett—the inspiration for Nikki Heat—accused of lying during a rape investigation fifteen years ago.

_Rape investigation._

Castle had to fight the urge to vomit. He remembered the case, actually. He'd read about it while researching for a book. But he'd had no idea Kate had been involved. None at all. If he had to venture a guess, he'd say that very few people knew about this.

And now it was splashed all over the media. Thanks to _him._

"Oh, good!"

He turned to see Gina rushing in, eyes on his computer screen.

"Good?" he echoed shrilly. "What the hell are you talking about?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, it hit him. "It was _you_!" he roared. "You leaked this information."

"Look at all the hits it's getting," she said. "It's _definitely_ drawing interest. No one can say Nikki Heat's a flat character _now._" She was positively beaming, as though wrecking Kate's life was somehow _wonderful._

He jumped to his feet. "How could you?" he demanded. "How _dare_ you?" He had to cross his arms to keep from hitting her. "Get out."

"Excuse me?"

"Get out!" he repeated. "Pack your things and go." He dug in his wallet and pulled out a one hundred dollar bill. "Find some way to get home. I don't care how you do it. Just go."

"Go?" she echoed. "Rick, what are you talking about?" She looked supremely confused. And it wasn't even an act. She truly didn't _get_ it. She couldn't anything wrong with what she'd done.

"You're fired," he told her, not bothering to explain what was obviously beyond her. "I never want to see you again."

"Rick!"

He handed her the money. "Go," he said. He wasn't yelling now. His voice was deadly calm but quivering with rage. "Get out of my sight."

Wide eyed, she spun around and ran from the room. He sank down into his chair and stared at the computer screen.

"Damn it," he whispered. "Goddamn it."

Xxx

By noon, Gina was gone and the Nikki Heat website was buzzing. Now that Kate's name had been leaked, speculation was flying about the NYPD detective who'd destroyed a young man's life by lying about being raped. The tamer stuff suggested she'd slept with him and regretted it. The really bad stuff accused her of _helping_ him with his other crimes an faking her own attack in order to turn him in without incriminating herself.

Castle sat down with a pad of paper and a pen (he couldn't bear to _look_ at his computer) and began making a list of ways to do damage control.

Nothing was looking promising.

Around one, there was a knock on the door. He groaned as he got up to answer it. If it was Gina, he told himself, he'd really hit her this time.

It wasn't Gina. Instead, it was Esposito, red faced and shaking with rage. Before Castle could say a word, the detective took a mighty swing and punched him in the jaw.

"Bastard!" he seethed. "You fucking bastard. How could you?"

Castle stepped back to avoid another punch. "Slow down, man," he said.

Esposito swung at him again but he was ready this time and grabbed the other man's arm.

"I know you're angry," he reasoned. "But I swear, it wasn't me. It was Gina."

"Your publisher?" Esposito snarled. "That's almost as bad. She _trusted_ you. She let you follow her around and write a goddamn book about her. And you let _this_ happen?"

Castle couldn't blame him for being angry but he wasn't about to be falsely accused. He'd never, ever do this to Kate. Not in a million years, no matter how many books it sold.

"I didn't know about it until this morning," he said. "I found it splashed all over my website, just like you. I swear, man. It was Gina."

Esposito sagged. "Where is she?" he asked, sounding slightly resigned but still venomous.

"Gone. I fired her. Told her I never wanted to see her again." Castle stepped aside. "Want to come in? I've been trying to figure out what to do."

Sighing, Esposito followed him inside. "How did Gina find out?"

"No idea." Castle strode to the bar and poured them each some scotch. "Someone clearly tipped her off." He shook his head disgustedly. "She honestly didn't understand what she did."

Esposito crossed his arms. "Who would do something like that?" he asked angrily.

"Gina," Castle said with a shrug. "And I am so, _so_ sorry this is happening because of me."

"I know," Esposito said. "Someone wanted this to get out—going through you was just convenient." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm, uh, sorry I hit you."

Castle waved him off. "I'd have hit me, too. But please believe me—I'd never intentionally hurt Kate like this." He hesitated, not sure how to ask what he wanted to know. "Um…how much of it is true?"

"Besides the part about it being a publicity stunt and that she lied fifteen years ago—all of it."

Castle sagged. "Damn," he murmured. "Poor Kate." He took a long swig of scotch. "How is she?"

"Not good," Esposito said grimly. "We found out a coupla days ago that Hammond was trying to make accusations. That was bad enough and when the story broke this morning…" He trailed off shaking his head disgustedly.

"I'll do anything," Castle said quickly. "Whatever I can do, you name it. I've already made a statement on my website saying that I will not be including anything about this in my next book and asking for a stop to the gossip."

"It's a little late," Esposito said. "But I guess it's better than nothing." He stood up, setting his still-full glass of scotch on the table. "You want to try and make this right? Come back to the city with me."

Castle nodded. "Anything you want," he said fiercely. "Anything at all."

He couldn't change the past. He couldn't change what had happened to Kate, as much as he might want to. It was too late to undo the damage Gina had done. The story had broken and he couldn't get it back now. Kate's life was in tatters and he couldn't change that. But he'd do whatever he could to make it easier.

"Anything," he repeated to Esposito as he went to pack his things. "I'll do anything."

Xxx

**A/N: Obviously, I am not a Gina fan. And I know I'm torturing poor Kate. But I promise, I only torture the characters I love!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to those who've read and reviewed! I love you!**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it. It's very sad, really.**

**xxx**

Kate paced around her apartment. The TV and computer were off. It made her sick to even look at them.

Her name was everywhere. The press was having an absolute _field day._ A cop in the middle of a scandal was good on its own. And when that cop was the real life Nikki Heat—it was like a real live soap opera. The public was eating it up.

She hadn't liked the attention from the beginning. Being Castle's inspiration brought her into the spotlight and she was far from comfortable there. He'd never exploited her before, though, and she couldn't fathom why he'd start now—when it hurt the most.

She couldn't even _believe_ the stories that were already circulating about her. They made her sick. And the idea of her personal life splashed all over Castle's next book made her want to scream.

She'd _trusted_ him. She'd actually trusted him and he'd betrayed her in the worst way possible. Being ditched for the summer she could handle. Taking his obnoxious ex-wife to the Hamptons she could deal with. But _this…_this was unthinkable.

She was considering calling her dad and asking if she could stay with him for a few days—away from the city and the spotlight—when a knock sounded on her door. Groaning, she went to get it.

It was _him._

"Go away, Castle," she said coldly. She started to shut the door but he caught it, sandwiching himself between the door and the frame.

"We need to talk," he said.

She couldn't believe it. He wanted to _talk?_

"Why the hell would I want to talk to _you?_" she demanded. "You really are an egotistical jackass." She moved to shove him from her doorway but he stood his ground.

"Kate," he begged. "Just hear me out, please."

"Why should I?" she snapped. "Why should I listen to you after what you did?"

"_I_ didn't," he said desperately. "It was _Gina._ I had no idea about _any_ of it until I saw it all over my website this morning. I _swear,_ Kate."

Caught off guard, she stepped back. She'd been _so sure_ he'd been behind it himself, that he'd let his books and his success come before her.

"Why should I believe you?" she asked. She couldn't let him off the hook just yet.

"Because you know me?" he offered. "Kate, I promise, I didn't know. I've already made a statement on my website denying what Gina said about the books. I've got my people deleting any threads about you from the message boards." He looked desperate, utterly tortured. "I _swear_," he reiterated. "I'd never hurt you like that."

She sagged, her anger slipping away. She couldn't help but believe him. She knew him better than that. And it was far easier to believe his story than think he'd actually set out to hurt her.

"Come in," she sighed. He entered her apartment looking relieved.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "If I'd known what Gina was planning, I would have stopped her."

"I know," she murmured.

"If it's any consolation," he added. "I fired her. Told her to get out and never come near me again." He caught her arm, forcing her to look at him. "Kate, I promise I'll do whatever I can to fix this," he said. "If you want me to help you nail this Hammond bastard, I will. If you want me to do nothing, I will. I'll defend you as much or as little as you want."

"Castle," she began to interrupt but he kept going.

"If you want me to leave and never come back, I'll do that too. If you want me to stop writing Nikki Heat, I will. Anything you want."

She stared at him. He'd basically just told her he'd do whatever it took to help her, even if it sucked for him.

"I don't know what I want yet," she said. "But I don't want you to leave." She studied him briefly, noticing for the first time the bruise darkening his cheekbone. "What happened to your face?"

"Esposito," he said grimly. "Showed up at my beach house and socked me."

"Oh. Sorry about that."

"Hey, if I'd done what you all thought I'd done, I would've deserved it. I would've hit me, too." He grimaced. "As it was, I nearly decked Gina."

She smiled slightly. "I would've liked to have seen that."

"Oh yeah," he teased. "A good old-fashioned smackdown." After a pause his expression grew serious again. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"You said that already."

He shook his head. "No…I mean, yeah, I did. But that was about my idiot publisher. Now I'm talking about what happened to you. I'm _sorry,_ Kate."

Tears stung at her eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to quell them. He studied her for a moment before closing the remaining distance between them and wrapping her in his arms.

"What are you doing?" she asked raggedly.

"Hugging you." He tightened his arms, refusing to let her go. A sob escaped her throat and a moment later her face was buried against his shoulder.

"I thought it was over," she gasped. "I thought it was behind me…"

"I know," he said. "I know." He rubbed her back gently, rocking back and forth.

"I was such a fool," she continued, the words spilling out. "What kind of idiot doesn't know her boyfriend's a rapist?"

He held her at arm's length to look her in the eye. "No," he said fiercely. "Stop it. You are _not_ an idiot. You are not to blame for anything that happened."

"If I'd known I would have stopped it…" she murmured. "I _should_ have known…"

He pulled her sharply back toward him, wrapping her in a rib-crushing embrace. She started crying all the harder and found herself clinging to him.

He held her for a long time, letting her cry. When the tears finally slowed and she lifted her head, his jacket was sopping wet.

"Sorry," she croaked.

He kissed her forehead. "Don't apologize."

She squared her shoulders and stepped back slightly. "He can't get away with this," she said decisively. "I can't let him get away with making everyone think he's innocent. Because he's _not._"

He positively beamed. "That's my girl," he said proudly, squeezing her arm. "And if your plan doesn't work, I'll get Lanie and the guys to help me kill him."

She chuckled. "Lanie could probably do it without leaving evidence behind," she mused. "But let's try my way first."

"And if it doesn't work we kill him?" he asked hopefully. She rolled her eyes.

"We'll see."

"Excellent! Now, do you have any food around?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Um, some. Why?"

"Because," he said, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "I'm going to make you dinner."

Xxx

After they'd eaten, Castle hovered near the doorway. He didn't want to leave her alone but neither did he want to crowd her.

"Maybe I should go," he said slowly.

She was quiet for a moment, biting her lip. Finally, she looked at him.

"Um…maybe…Could you stay?" she asked. His heart twisted in his chest. He knew her well enough to understand what it had taken her to ask. And understand what kind of pain necessitated such a request.

"Of course," he said. He followed her to the couch and they sat down side by side. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently.

"About what happened?" She shook her head. "No. I don't think so. I'm not even sure _how_ to talk about it."

He took her hand and squeezed it. "That's okay," he said softly. He hadn't really expected her to open up—at least not right away. After a few minutes, though, she spoke.

"I thought he loved me," she said distantly. "I really did. I never suspected. Not for a _single second._ If I had…"

"I know," he cut her off. "I know."

She fell silent, seemingly lost in thought.

"You know," he ventured after a moment, "I kind of expected Demming to be hanging around…"

She turned to him. "Oh," she said absently, "we broke up."

He hadn't been expecting _that._

"When?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound too excited.

"Right before your going away party, actually," she told him. She was refusing to meet his gaze now and it actually looked like she was _blushing._

"That's what you were trying to tell me," he realized, his heart sinking.

She nodded.

_Damn._

"Our timing really sucks," he mused. She cracked a smile and actually looked at him.

"Yeah," she agreed. "It really does."

Slowly, he lifted a hand to cup her cheek. She shuddered under his touch, eyes widening.

"Castle," she sighed. "I…I _can't_ right now…I just…" She shook her head. "It's too much. I'm sorry…"

"Hush," he said. "It's okay. I'm not going to push. But I'm not leaving. I'm not walking away again. I'm _here_ for you."

"I know," she whispered.

He pulled her into his arms and tucked her neatly under his chin. She was a tall woman, he knew, but right now she felt tiny and fragile. Like she could shatter at any second.

"I'm here," he repeated. "Every step of the way."

She nodded against his chest. "I'm sorry I believed the worst of you," she whispered. "I should have known you'd never betray me like that."

"Never," he agreed. "You're one hell of an inspiration, Kate, but I'd never exploit you that way. You're far too important to me. I'm so sorry this all happened."

"Not your fault," she murmured. "You can't control your fans. And besides, whoever leaked the information to Gina would've gotten it out no matter what. Even if you'd never written the books."

He kissed the top of her head and was surprised when she didn't pull away. "I know. But I'm still sorry. I wish I could hunt down every single one of those media bastards and cause them bodily harm."

Suddenly, an idea occurred to him. He straightened up fast, holding her at arm's length.

"Causing them bodily harm won't do anyone any good," he observed.

She frowned. "Right," she said slowly.

"But I _can_ do damage to their _careers._"

"And put yours on the line as well," she retorted. "Don' be stupid, Castle."

He shook his head. "I told you," he said, "I'm willing to do anything."

She smiled slightly, a welcome sight. "That's very sweet. But we need to play nice on this, okay? I don't want to do anything underhanded. And that includes threats."

He sighed, seeing her point. Fighting dirty would help no one.

"Fine," he agreed. "I just really want to crush them for what they're saying about you. How is anyone _believing_ this garbage?"

She shrugged. "Everyone loves a scandal. The dirtier the better."

She was right, of course. People thrived on scandal and gossip. His own life had gotten enough attention over the years. As long as Alexis wasn't negatively affected, it didn't bother him much. But having Kate thrust into the middle of it was something else entirely. Especially when it was over something so horrific and deeply personal.

"Castle?" she prodded. "You zoned out on me."

He shook his head. "Sorry. What can I do? How can I help that doesn't involve bodily harm or the ruining of careers?"

She smiled slightly. "You could stay with me," she said softly. "I don't want to be alone."

"You're not," he promised, pulling her into his arms again. "You're not alone. I'll stay as long as you want—forever, even."

She laughed quietly. "I might get sick of you before then," she teased.

"Lies," he shot back. "Lies, lies. You _never_ get sick of me. I'm too charming."

"Hmm," she said. "Nice try."

"Fine," he sighed. "You win. But I'll still stay as long as you want me to."

"Promise?" she asked. The teasing tone was gone and she sounded painfully vulnerable. He tightened his grip around her.

"Promise," he said.

Xxx

**A/N: Long chapter, I know. But I wanted some resolution with the whole Kate-Castle relationship. I can't have her mad at him for too long :) **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I seem to be experiencing writer's block on all fronts. I had some trouble with this chapter and I'm still not crazy about it…hope it's not TOO horrible.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, it's still not mine.**

**xxx**

When they entered the precinct the next morning, all eyes were on them.

"Stand down, guys," Kate said with a slight snort, sitting at her desk. "It's okay."

Ryan nodded. "Esposito told us." He looked at her carefully. "You okay?"

She shrugged. "I'm not letting that bastard Hammond beat me if that's what you mean," she told him. Esposito grinned.

"Excellent," he said. "What's the plan?"

"Not sure," she admitted. "But I'm sure Castle has some ideas."

Everyone looked at the writer, who nodded eagerly.

"Loads," he admitted. "But first let's get you a press conference or something so you can make a statement. We're mostly just trying to clear your name, right? He doesn't have any legal recourse."

"Right," she confirmed. "I mean, theoretically he could get a judge to re-try the case and get the charges removed from his record. But I don't think that's going to happen. He'll mostly just manage to make me look bad."

"And make himself look like a victim," Esposito added bitterly. After a pause, he patted her arm. "We've got paperwork to take care of on that last case but lemme know if you want us to track down that other guy," he offered, gesturing to himself and Ryan.

"Peter Avery," she interjected softly.

"Right. He hasn't come forward at all but we'll be beat him to the punch if you want."

"I'll think about it," she told him. "Thanks guys."

They both smiled tightly before heading to their own desks. Castle rested a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm gonna go get reacquainted with my coffee machine and then have a quick chat with the Captain. You'll be okay?" he said.

She nodded. "Go on. I'll be fine." She watched him stride away before turning to her own work. She hadn't been at it long when Lanie approached, dropping into Castle's chair.

"I hear Writer-Boy's back in your good graces," she said in her usual straightforward manner.

Kate glanced up from the file she was reading. "Yup," she confirmed. Lanie studied her for a moment, gaze softening.

"How are you holding up?" she asked. Kate smiled slightly. Only Lanie could go for irreverent to concerned in two seconds flat.

"Okay," she said. "Better." At Lanie's unconvinced look, she sighed and put down her pen. "It's tough, I can't deny that. But I'm hanging in there. I promise."

Lanie nodded. "Okay," she allowed. "I'll take that. For now." She paused again, brow furrowing. "I looked at the report from the…incident. You didn't tell me, Kate."

Kate's eyebrows shot up. "Didn't tell you what?" she questioned. As far as she knew, she'd told Lanie just about _everything._ But apparently not.

"That he was your first," Lanie said. "Your statement said that he was and the evidence indicates it as well."

Oh. Right. _That._ Kate sighed.

"He was," she admitted. "But it doesn't matter. Not really."

Lanie's jaw dropped. Kate held up a hand to stop her from speaking.

"I'm not going to lie. It might've made it worse for me. But it doesn't change what he did. What Owen did was wrong—whether it was my first time or my hundred and first."

Slowly, Lanie nodded. "I see your point. And you're right, at least in the legal sense. And in the moral sense. But in terms of what it meant for _you…_" She trailed off, biting her lip. "I'm sorry," she offered.

Kate tried to smile reassuringly. "I know," she said. "And that means a lot."

Lanie gave her a faint smile in return and stood up. "I need to get down to the morgue, but holler if you need anything. Got it?"

"Got it," Kate confirmed. "Thanks, Lanie."

Lanie squeezed her hand. "You're welcome."

Xxx

By afternoon, they'd set up a press conference. Kate would be addressing the media at 3 pm, telling her story.

"Only if you're _sure,_" Castle told her for the fifth time. "You don't have to do it."

"I'm doing it," she said. "You're going first, right?"

He nodded. "I'll get up there and tell them that the information was leaked by someone who is no longer a member of my team and that under no circumstance will _anything_ remotely resembling your personal life appear in any of my books. And I'll ask for a stop to the gossip. Again."

She smiled slightly. "You can't control everyone," she reminded him. "People are still going to gossip."

"I know. But I can try." He patted her hand. "You can do this, Kate," he said firmly. "And I'll be right there with you the whole time."

A part of her wanted to tell him to buzz off, that she'd be just fine on her own. But another (stronger) part of her knew that was a lie. She couldn't do this alone. And she trusted him to be there for her. In spite of everything, she trusted him. She knew he had her best interests at heart and would do everything in his power to help her.

So at precisely 3 pm, he preceded her onto the front steps of the precinct, where he was handed a microphone. There were dozens of people gathered—fans and press alike.

Kate's stomach did a back-flip.

"I can't do this," she murmured to Lanie, who stood close beside her. Lanie squeezed her hand.

"You can. And despite what Castle says, you have to. This isn't just about you, Katie. It's about all of the girls that bastard hurt. You're standing up for them, too."

Kate nodded faintly. "I know," she said, turning her gaze toward Castle, who was addressing the crowd.

"Hello," he said calmly. "Most of you know I'm Richard Castle. A lot of rumors have been flying around the past few days about Detective Beckett, the inspiration for my character, Nikki Heat. The accusations against the detective are false," he said firmly.

The audience began to buzz but he held up a hand.

"Information was leaked by a member of my team who has now been let go. Everything promised on my website concerning this matter in regards to my novels is untrue. Under no circumstance will I be publishing anything about Detective Beckett's personal life in any of my books."

The audience was buzzing again and Castle pointed to a reporter near the front.

"Mr. Castle," she said eagerly, "you say that you won't be publishing anything about Detective Beckett's personal life."

"That is correct," he said.

"Even if it could boost book sales?"

Castle visibly stiffened. "While I have no doubt such a thing would increase my sales," he said icily, "there are far more important things than the revenue my books generate."

"You mean to imply," another reporter called, "that Detective Beckett is more important?"

"Yes," Castle said simply. He answered a few more questions before holding up his hands to quiet the crowd. "I'm going to be turning things over to Detective Beckett now," he said. "But before I do, I have one request. I'd like to ask all of my fans—and the media as well—to stop circulating lies about the detective. Please put a stop to the gossip and treat her with respect. Thank you."

He stepped back and motioned for her to come forward. She did so, her knees shaking.

"Just take deep breaths," he said in her ear. "You'll do great." She managed a shaky smile at him before turning to address the crowd.

"Good afternoon," she said. "I'm, um, Detective Kate Beckett. And I'm here to clear a few things up. A lot of things have been said about me the past couple days; some of it's true and some of it isn't."

God, they were all staring at her. They looked sickeningly _eager_, filled with some kind of morbid curiosity.

"It is true that I dated Owen Hammond my freshman year of college," she continued. "It is true that he and his friend Peter Avery raped dozens of girls all over campus that year. It's true…" Her voice cracked slightly and she had too pause. "It's true," she resumed after a moment, "that I caught Owen and Peter raping Olivia Kent one night late in the school year. Olivia was Peter's girlfriend and my best friend."

The crowd literally leaned forward, as though enthralled. She swallowed hard and forced herself to continue.

"Owen raped me that night. He raped me and knocked me unconscious. Olivia died because of the gag they stuffed in her mouth to keep her quiet." Kate squared her shoulders and fixed her audience with an icy stare. "I didn't lie," she said firmly. "Everything I told the police about Owen was true."

"Then why the accusations?" a reporter called.

"I don't know why Owen is accusing me now," she said. "But I know he knows the truth. Peter knows the truth. I know the truth. The countless other girls they hurt who were too scared to come forward know the truth."

"And it was rape?" a fan standing close to the front asked. "It wasn't consensual sex gone wrong?"

Kate could sense Castle and the guys bristling behind her but she answered before they could do anything.

"He shoved me down," she said. She was surprised at how steady her voice sounded. "He pinned me to the floor and forced my clothes off. He held me there while I struggled to get away. He didn't ask my permission. I cried the whole time and he laughed. Afterwards, he slammed my head against the floor to knock me unconscious." She paused, taking a deep breath. "It sounds like rape to me," she said. "But I guess I'll let you be the judge of that."

Silence fell for a moment before a dozen hands shot up. She pointed to the nearest one, praying the question would be an easy one. Or, better yet, the asker would be on _her_ side.

"So you weren't his accomplice?"

So much for that.

"I was not," she said tightly.

"And you had no idea about what was happening?"

"None." She paused, choosing her next words carefully before continuing. "And I couldn't be sorrier about that. I wish with all my heart that I'd known, that I'd suspected. I wish I could have prevented what happened to all of those young women. I wish I could have stopped the horror they went through. I wish I could've saved Olivia." She closed her eyes, gathering herself. "I'm sorry I was too young and naïve to see what was happening. But I had nothing to do with it. Nothing."

When no one said anything, she stepped back.

"Thank you for your questions," she said, using the line Castle had given her earlier. "That's all the time we have." Then, before anyone could jump in, she turned and headed back into the precinct.

"You were great!" Lanie cried the second they were inside. "I'm so proud of you!"

"We all are," Esposito said.

Kate blushed. "Thanks," she mumbled. "Do you think I should have said more about Olivia and the others?"

They all shook their heads.

"You were perfect," Castle promised. "You did everything right."

"I hope so," Kate said tiredly. Seeming to notice her exhaustion, Lanie squeezed her hand.

"You've had a long day. Why don't we see if the Captain will let you cut out early and I'll take you home," she suggested.

Kate sagged. Home sounded like a very good idea. "Okay," she agreed. She faced her team, searching for a way to tell them how grateful she was. Finally, she settled on a simple, "Thank you. For everything."

They all nodded and each hugged her in turn.

"We've got your back," Esposito promised.

"I know." She smiled. "And that's the most important part. I've told my side to the public and they can believe me or not. But what really matters to me is that _you_ believe me."

"And we do," Castle assured her. "And we'll help however we can. We'll defend you however you want."

"You done more than enough," she said. "I've gotten to say my piece and it means a lot that you're behind me."

"We could do more, you know," Ryan said. "Maybe some of his other victims would make statements…"

Kate shook her head. "If they wanted to, they certainly could. But I'm not tracking them down and pushing them. I understand about wanting to keep it private."

Having the other victims speak up on her behalf would certainly mean a lot. But she didn't deserve it and she wasn't about to ask. She'd done what she could and she was satisfied.

"Thank you," she told them again. "Really."

Lanie took her hand.

"Come on," she said gently. "Let's go home."

Xxx

**A/N: Again, I had trouble ending the chapter. Stick with me. I'm having some writer's block issues but hopefully I'll get one up soon(ish).**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you like this chapter. It's not very exciting but things should pick up a little soon. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Castle. :(**

**xxxx**

Kate had hoped to escape the precinct after her press conference without talking to anyone. Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky. She and Lanie were almost out the door when a voice calling out stopped them.

"Kate! Kate!"

Sighing, she turned to see Detective Demming hurrying toward them.

"Tom," she said levelly. He paused, looking out of breath.

"Hey," he gasped. "I, um, I heard what's been going on."

"You and most of America," she said. He blushed and began babbling.

"Right. Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. About all of that, I mean. And I'm, uh, here. If you need something, that is. If I can help…"

"Thanks," she said, cutting him off and putting him out of his misery. "That's very kind of you."

He shuffled his feet, looking embarrassed. "Yeah, well," he mumbled awkwardly, "hang in there. You were great in that press conference, by the way. Anyone with any sense will believe you. And the ones who matter—the ones who know you—they shouldn't even need to be convinced."

She managed a small smile. He really was trying to be nice.

"Thank you, Tom," she said. "I appreciate that. I'll see you around, okay?"

"See you," he echoed.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Lanie snickered. Kate nudged her sharply.

"Lanie!" she admonished. "He was trying to be nice!"

"I suppose," Lanie said, still chuckling. "Not the poor boy's fault he's still smitten with you."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Can we just go, please?" she asked.

Lanie nodded. "Absolutely," she said. "I'm sensing a good old-fashioned girls' night in our future."

Kate linked her arm through her friend's, a genuine smile crossing her face.

"That sounds perfect," she said.

Xxx

As soon as Kate and Lanie were gone, Castle logged into Kate's computer. He was aware of Ryan and Esposito watching him, but he did his best to ignore them.

He only needed some names and an address. It didn't take him long.

"I'm off," he told the guys once he was done. "Call me if anything comes up."

"Y'mean with Beckett?" Esposito asked. "I think we've done all we can for now. And Lanie'll take care of her tonight." He paused, swallowing. "You did good today, Castle. I'm sorry we ever doubted you."

"Me, too," Ryan piped up. "We should've trusted you."

"No worries," Castle assured them. "Have a good night, guys."

"Night," they chorused.

Once he hit the street, he headed straight for his car. He had a destination in mind. He doubted Kate would like it much but he was willing to risk it—she'd appreciate it eventually. After stopping for a quick bite to eat, he drove out of Manhattan. Between rush-hour traffic and getting lost briefly (not that he'd admit to that) he arrived in a quiet neighborhood in Queens a little after seven.

Kate was probably going to kill him when he found out about this, he thought ruefully as he rang the doorbell on the modest but well-kept house belonging to Graham and Madeleine Kent—the parents of Kate's friend Olivia.

A woman a shade younger than his own mother answered. The writer in him recognized a sense of sadness in her. If he hadn't known the actual story, he still would have characterized her as having lost a child. There was tragedy in her eyes.

"Madeleine Kent?" he said by way of formality. He knew it was her without asking.

She nodded. "You're that writer," she said. "We saw you on the press conference with Katie."

He nodded, surprised that they'd seen it. "Can I come in?" he asked. She eyed him warily before nodding.

"I suppose. Graham!" she called, alerting her husband. "We have company!" She turned back to Castle. "Come in," she said.

He nodded, following her to the living room. Graham Kent appeared a moment later. He, too, recognized Castle.

"What do you want?" he asked suspiciously. Castle couldn't blame them for being a little cold. He was part of the reason their painful past had been dragged up again.

"I'm here to talk about Kate," he admitted. "The past few days have been hard on her, obviously, and I, well…I'd like to help her."

Immediately their gazes softened.

"Ah, Katie," Madeleine sighed. "This is all so unfair to her. She doesn't deserve any of it."

"So you liked Kate?" Castle pressed.

"Absolutely," Graham said. "She was Olivia's best friend. Whenever we went to the city to visit Liv, she _insisted_ on bringing Kate wherever we went."

"Olivia was so very fond of her," Madeleine added. "She was such a lovely girl, so smart. Serious, but lively, too. It was easy to see why she and Olivia hit it off."

Castle nodded, intrigued by this description of a younger Kate. "Did you know her boyfriend at all?" he asked.

"Owen?" Graham said, sounding disgusted. "Not very well. We didn't even know Liv's boyfriend, Peter, all that well. And what we saw, we didn't like all that much."

"Neither did Jim or Johanna," Madeleine added.

"Kate's parents?" Castle clarified, surprised. "You knew them?"

"Oh yes," Madeleine confirmed with a nod. "What with the girls being such close friends and all of us being from the area, we couldn't help but become acquainted. I know Johanna worried about Kate's attachment to Owen."

"And we worried about Olivia's to Peter," Graham put in.

"We knew they weren't the upstanding guys the girls believed them to be," Madeleine explained. "But we never suspected them of something so…so _horrible._ And the girls were so young…so naïve…They couldn't have known."

Castle sighed with relief. "So you didn't blame Kate for what happened to your daughter?" he asked.

"Heavens no," Madeleine said, aghast. "My only regret is that I didn't mention my concerns to Olivia. I know Johanna wished the same about Kate. They were victims, just like all of those other girls."

"Did you stay close to the Becketts?" Castle wanted to know. Kate hadn't mentioned a continuing friendship with Olivia's family, but he had to be sure.

Graham shook his head. "We tried at first," he said, "but it was difficult. It was hard for us to see Kate. And I think the reverse was true, as well. After awhile, we stopped seeing one another."

"Katie suffered a lot of guilt," Madeleine added. "I'm not sure if we ever really _did_ anything to assure her we didn't blame her. I do wish we'd reached out more—especially after Johanna died. We sent flowers, but that was all."

Castle nodded sadly, wondering if having people like the Kents in their lives could have helped Kate and her father. However, he didn't want them to feel guiltier than they obviously already did, so he said nothing.

"What's she like?" Madeleine wanted to know. "We saw her on the press conference but I doubt that was a real representation."

Eagerly, Castle leaned forward. "Come meet her," he urged. "Talk with her."

"We haven't seen her in years," Madeleine protested. Graham, however, looked interested.

"Do you think she'd want to see us?" he asked. "I don't want to make things harder for her…"

"I think it could help," Castle told them. "This has obviously been hard on her and I think your support would mean a lot—especially since she and Olivia were so close." Sensing their hesitation, he paused. "I mean, I understand if you don't want to. This can't be easy for you either."

"It's not," Madeleine admitted. "But I'm sure it's worse for Kate. I think I'd like to see her…"

Castle beamed. "Come by the precinct tomorrow," he urged. "I can't guarantee it'll go perfectly, but I think it could really do her some good. And you, too, maybe."

The couple nodded simultaneously.

"Yeah," Graham said. "Maybe it could."

Xxx

Kate and Lanie were putting the finishing touches on a pair of enormous ice cream sundaes when Kate's phone rang. Rolling her eyes, she sprang to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Katie?"

She sagged, leaning against the counter. "Hi, Dad," she sighed.

"How are you?" he wanted to know. "I saw your press conference this afternoon. I probably should've called you sooner…"

"It's okay," she said immediately. "And I'm doing okay. Lanie's here right now. We're eating ice cream."

Her father laughed. "Always the cure for everything, huh?"

"Something like that." She paused, biting her lip worriedly. "Are _you_ okay, Dad? I'm sorry this is all getting dragged up again…"

"Stop," he cut her off firmly. "It's not your fault, Katie. Don't blame yourself for a minute. And I'm fine. I just worry about _you._"

"I'm okay," she assured him. "It's been…challenging…but my friends have all been really great." She flashed a brief smile at Lanie, who stood across the room, ice cream scooper in hand.

"That's good," her father said. "I do wish your mother was here. She'd know what to say to help you. She was always better at that than I am."

"You're doing fine," she replied gently. "Don't worry."

He sighed sadly. "She'd be proud of you, Katie, standing by your principles the way you are. She'd be really, really proud."

Tears instantly sprang to her eyes and a lump clogged her throat. "Y-you think so?" she stammered.

"I know it." He paused briefly. "I love you, sweetheart. Call if you need anything, okay? Even if it's just to get away for a few days."

"I will," she promised. "Thanks for calling, Dad."

After hanging up, she sighed heavily, hand over her eyes. Lanie approached slowly, slipping an arm around her.

"Okay?" she asked gently.

Kate nodded. "Yeah. He's just worried about me…I hate that. I try to _keep_ him from worrying."

"I know," Lanie said. "But stop trying to take care of everyone, okay? Let _us_ take care of _you._"

"I'm trying."

Lanie squeezed her hand. "I know," she said. "Now come on. Let's eat some ice cream."

Xxx

**A/N2: God, I'm sucking at ending chapters lately. Ugh. Anyway, this chapter was kind of filler stuff. I wanted Kate's dad to make an appearance. He seems like a nice guy so I didn't want to just leave him out. Anyway, thanks for reading. Review if you want—I love your feedback!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Long one with lots of stuff happening. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: When I own Castle someday I'll be sure Rick and Kate get together and live happily ever after. But for now, I don't own it.**

**xxx**

Castle was waiting for her when she arrived at the precinct the next day.

"Hey!" he said, jumping up to greet her. "They replayed the press conference last night—you were even better than I remembered."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Castle."

He grinned eagerly, handing her a cup of coffee. "Seriously," he said, "you were totally kick-ass." He gave her a quick hug, careful not to upset the coffee. "That's from Alexis," he explained. "She called last night—apparently being at this summer program doesn't keep her from seeing the news."

"Right," Kate said, slightly bewildered. He was moving even faster than usual. He was practically bouncing from foot to foot when his phone rang.

"Hello?" he said happily. "Okay. I'll be right down." He hung up and turned to Kate. "I'll be right back," he said before dashing to the elevator. Once he was gone, Kate raised an eyebrow at Esposito.

"What's gotten into him?" she asked. Her fellow detective shrugged.

"No idea. Maybe we can get him a leash."

She laughed. "I'm not sure it would help. It might be impossible to rein him in."

"Many have tried and many have failed," Ryan put in seriously. They were all still chuckling when the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

It was Castle, returning with a couple in tow.

Kate's coffee mug slid gracelessly from her hand, narrowly missing her desk and crashing at her feet. She was too shocked, however, to pay it any mind. She _knew_ this couple. She hadn't seen them in years but she recognized them instantly. Graham and Madeleine Kent—Olivia's parents.

"W-what is this?" she asked shakily as she rose to her feet. _Dear God, what were they __**doing **__here?_

"I brought them," Castle said. "I invited them here."

The Kents were staring at her in utter silence. She couldn't look at them long enough to gauge their expressions. She wasn't sure she even _wanted_ to know.

"Castle," she said tightly, "can I see you in the break room?" She didn't want to yell at him in front of the Kents.

"S-sure," he said, looking crestfallen. He shot an apologetic look at Olivia's parents before trailing after her into the break room, where she shut the door as hard as she could without actually slamming it.

"What the hell?" she hissed. "Why did you bring them here?"

"To see you," he reasoned, as though it were obvious. "I thought it might help…"

"Well it doesn't!" she said. This was even worse than poking into her mother's case. This involved real-live people and her never-ending shame. Here, more people than just her could get hurt.

"Why not?" he wanted to know. "Why does having them here have to be bad?"

"Oh, I don't know!" she snapped sarcastically. "Maybe because I was _there_ when their daughter was attacked. Except I lived and she died. And I couldn't do a _thing_ about it."

"They don't blame you," he said pleadingly. "We talked about it…"

"You _talked_ about it?" she cried. "Damn it, Castle! Of all the meddling things…" She shook her head. "Did it ever occur to you to talk to me before going to them?"

He was silent, lowering his gaze.

"Right," she said before he could answer. "That's what I thought."

"Kate!" he said, but she was already turning around, storming from the room. She nearly ran through the silent bullpen, past her staring colleagues and the shocked-looking Kents. She crashed into the ladies' room and leaned heavily on a sink.

In the year they'd known each other, Castle had done dozens of things to piss her off. He was undisciplined and careless and never minded his own goddamned business. But this—_this—_was the worst yet.

Having her past dug up was bad enough without throwing some of the major players into the mix. She'd been rather relieved years ago when her family had stopped seeing the Kents. She was sure they blamed her and she couldn't fault them for it. Not when she blamed herself.

Even after all this time, the guilt wasn't entirely gone.

When the bathroom door creaked open, she shut her eyes.

"Kate?" Madeleine Kent called softly. "You know you can't hide from me in here."

Kate nodded before bending her head, focusing her gaze on the white porcelain of the sink—anything to keep from looking at Olivia's mother.

"Kate," Madeleine tried again. "Look at me, please."

Kate kept her head down. It was all she could do not to burst into tears—looking at Madeleine would be her undoing. Madeleine touched her arm gently and she shuddered.

"Katie," the older woman—so very much like her late daughter—said gently. "Honey, look at me."

She sounded so pleading, Kate lifted her head. To her astonishment, she was not met with anger. Madeleine's face held no bitterness, not a trace of the hate or loathing Kate had expected for so long. She only looked sad.

"Oh, Katie," she murmured, cupping Kate's cheek in her hand. "Look how beautiful you are. All grown up."

Kate let out a soft sob. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry!"

"For what?" Madeleine asked. Kate swallowed hard, trying to speak past the lump in her throat.

"For everything," she gasped. "For running off a few minutes ago…for not keeping in touch…for Olivia…"

A tear slid down Madeleine's face but she made no effort to brush it away. "Oh, Katie," she sighed. "These past few days have been awful for you, I'm sure. We should not have snuck up on you this way."

Kate shrugged. She would never have agreed to see them otherwise, she knew. And for some inexplicable reason, they wanted to see _her._

"And as for staying in touch," Madeleine continued, "we're at least as much to blame." She lifted her other hand so she was holding onto Kate's face, forcing the younger woman to look at her. "And as for Olivia…Oh, sweetheart. We never blamed you for a second."

Kate gasped, shutting her eyes against the onslaught of tears. The Kents had always _implied_ that they didn't blame her, but no one had ever said so, not in so many words. She'd simply assumed it wasn't true. She'd taken their silence for condemnation.

"It wasn't your fault," Madeleine reiterated. "It was _never_ your fault, Kate."

"I was there," Kate murmured. "I was _right there…_"

Madeleine cut her off, wrapping her in a tight hug. "Hush," she said. "Stop taking the blame. You were a victim, Kate. You were a _victim—_just like Olivia." She paused, hugging Kate tighter. "I'm sorry I never told you that. I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch."

Kate couldn't respond. She couldn't even speak. All she could do was cry, sagging into the older woman's fierce embrace.

"I'm sorry," Madeleine continued, "for not reaching out to you more. Especially when your mother died."

"You sent flowers," Kate mumbled, remembering. "Lilies, right?"

"Right." Madeleine lifted a hand to stroke her hair. "I'm sorry we weren't there for you."

Kate pulled back so they stood at arm's length. "It's okay," she said hoarsely. "Please don't feel guilty. We're okay now."

"How is your father?" Madeleine asked. "Losing Johanna must have been very difficult for both of you."

"Yes," Kate agreed. Her father's reaction to her mother's death wasn't something she cared to discuss. But—much like with Olivia so long ago—she couldn't lie to Madeleine. "He's sober now," she said simply. Madeleine's eyes widened and again she lifted a hand to touch Kate's cheek.

"Oh, Katie," she sighed. "I'm so sorry."

Kate managed a small smile. "We're okay now," she promised. "Both of us."

Madeleine nodded. "I can see that," she said. "What a fine woman you've become, Kate. Olivia would be so very proud." With that, she took Kate's hand and tugged her from the bathroom.

Back in the bullpen, they found Castle, Ryan and Esposito, and Graham all gathered around her desk. They all looked up worriedly when Kate and Madeleine entered.

Kate gave them all a watery smile before striding over to Graham and placing a hand on his shoulder. He instantly got to his feet and wrapped her in a tight hug. Once they'd pulled apart, he grinned at her.

"Your friends have been telling me about your work, Katie," he said. "Very impressive."

"They probably exaggerate," she told him. "Especially Castle." She flashed the writer a brief smile to show him she was no longer angry. He grinned back before adopting an expression of mock-hurt.

"Who me?" he said. "I _never_ exaggerate."

Xxx

Castle watched from the break room as Kate talked with the Kents. Whatever anger she'd had toward him for bringing them to the precinct seemed to have dissipated. The visit even seemed to be doing her good. It was obviously emotional for all of them but Kate looked relaxed, peaceful even.

Grinning happily over his accomplishment, Castle turned to make himself a latte. He was just finishing when someone stepped into the room. He knew it was her before he even turned around.

"Hey," he said. "Where are Graham and Madeleine?"

"Talking to Esposito. They want to make a statement to the public defending me."

He raised an eyebrow. "And you're okay with that?"

She nodded, crossing her arms. "Thank you for bringing them here," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"No worries," he assured her. "I probably shouldn't have sprung it on you like that."

"Maybe not," she agreed, "but I probably would've refused to see them otherwise." A small smile crossed her face. "They don't blame me," she said.

"I know." He studied her briefly. She was pale and she'd clearly been crying but she was smiling. "So it's been a good visit?" he asked.

"It's been great." She positively beamed. "Hey," she added, "the Kents are taking me out to dinner tonight and we wondered if you'd come."

Startled, he nodded. "Sure," he said. "I mean, if you want me to."

"It's the least I can do," she said, "to thank you."

Ooo

So they went out to dinner that night. It was a surprisingly cheerful meal—the heavy emotion had been dealt with, leaving room for plenty of laughter and reminiscing. Castle was pleased to see Kate talking about the past with something other than pain in her voice and it was fascinating to hear stories about her from her younger years. From what he could tell, young-Kate had been a more fun-loving, lighthearted version of adult-Kate. It was sad to think of how she'd been changed by what she'd been through but he enjoyed the stories nonetheless.

It was easy to see the camaraderie between Kate and the Kents and from their stories Castle could understand why Kate and Olivia had been friends.

"I wish I could've met her," he mused after a particularly amusing story about one of Kate and Olivia's escapades. Kate turned to him, nodding. There was a slight flicker of sadness in her eyes but she was smiling.

"You would've liked her," she said. "And, as much as it _kills_ me to say this…she would've liked you, too."

Castle laughed, more at his pleasure at seeing this flicker of the usual Kate than anything else.

"I _am_ likeable," he teased. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Or maybe Liv was just easy to win over," she shot back.

"Easier than you, anyway," he retorted, earning another classic Kate eye-roll.

Later, when she'd gone to the bathroom, the Kents pounced on him.

"You care about our Kate," Madeleine observed in a motherly tone.

"Um…yeah," he said.

"That's good," Graham told him. "Just take care of her, okay?"

"Sure…but it's not like that…"

They both nodded, looking disbelieving.

"Right," Madeleine said. He couldn't blame them for not believing him. He didn't really believe himself. It _was_ like that—for him at least.

After dinner, they stood outside the restaurant. It was a warm night but the oppressive heat of the day was gone from the air.

"Would anyone like to come back to my place for a drink?" Kate asked. The Kents both shook their heads sadly.

"Sorry, dear," Madeleine said. "I think it's time for old folks like us to head home. But we'll have dinner soon—and we'll invite your father as well."

"He'd like that," Kate smiled. She hugged them both tightly.

"Do you need a ride?" Graham offered.

Kate shook her head. "We'll get a cab," she said. "Thank you for dinner."

"Anytime, sweetie," Madeleine said, waving as they departed. Once they were gone, Kate turned to Castle.

"Would _you_ like to have a drink?" she asked. Surprised, he nodded.

"Absolutely," he said. He stepped to the curb to hail a cab. They chatted easily on the way to her apartment and things felt blessedly normal. For the moment, at least, they were simply Kate and Castle, with nothing hanging over their heads.

He noticed the envelope on her floor first, lying near the door as though it had been slid underneath it. He cut her off as she was listing her drink selections.

"Kate," he said, pointing.

Her brow furrowed as she bent to pick it up. The moment she looked at its contents, her face went stark white. She shuffled through the papers, growing paler by the second.

"Kate," he said worriedly. "What is it?" She was shaking hard, her eyes wide.

"Kate!" he repeated, stepping over to grab the papers from her hands. On top, there was a photograph featuring a much younger Kate and a boy. She was sitting in his lap, arms around his neck. He appeared to be kissing her cheek and both were laughing.

"Owen," she murmured in response to his unasked question. He couldn't stop the growl that escaped his throat as he flipped to the next page. It was a message, scrawled in red marker.

_Katie,_ it read, _Don't you remember how happy we were? How in love? I know you liked it, Katie. I was there. You were such a tight little bitch. So pure…virginal, even. And you were hot for me. You can't deny that, Katie. I saw you on TV yesterday—you're even more beautiful than I remembered you. Just be sure to watch what you say. We both know the truth. You wanted it. You wanted it badly enough to let that cunt of a friend of yours die. Don't forget I was there, too. And I know._

Castle felt sick. And if _he_ felt that way, he couldn't imagine what Kate was going through. He looked up from the note, trying to get a read on her.

She was pale, blank faced. Gently, he reached to touch her arm. He wasn't surprised when she jumped back with a snarl.

"Kate," he pleaded. "Kate, it's just me." He lifted his hand to her cheek and this time she didn't pull away. She leaned into his touch briefly, closing her eyes.

The words from Owen's letter were burned into his mind. _Tight…pure…virginal…_God, did that mean…? He couldn't even think about it, couldn't fathom the thought of that bastard being Kate's first.

"Kate," he said gently. "Say something, please."

She was shaking hard and he tensed, ready to catch her if she went down. He knew without a doubt that any progress she'd made that day in overcoming her guilt had been virtually undone.

Before he could say anything else to her, she pulled away from him, taking off toward the bathroom. By the time he caught up with her, she'd slammed the door and locked it. He could hear her vomiting into the toilet.

Groaning, he sagged against the wall, letter and photograph still in his shaking hands. Tears filled his eyes as he sank to the floor. Alone on the floor of Kate's apartment, while she felt apart on the other side of the door, Castle cried.

Xxx

**A/N2: A bit of a long one, I know. I thought about dividing it up but I had all of the ideas in my head and it made sense to put them together. **

**Also, I originally intended to have Kate be fine having Olivia's parents there right away but a reviewer encouraged me to do otherwise. I like it lots better this way. So thanks!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So sorry for the wait! I've been super busy. This is quite the angst-fest so be ready.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it they'd have definitely slept together by now.**

**xxx**

After he'd calmed himself, Castle got to his feet.

"Kate!" he called, knocking on the bathroom door. "C'mon, Kate. Let me in."

When she didn't respond, he sighed.

"Do you want me to call someone? Lanie, maybe? Your dad?"

"No," she called back in a dull voice. "Just leave me alone, please."

"That's not happening." There was no way in _hell_ he was leaving her by herself. He'd sit outside this bathroom all night if he had to.

Instead of getting a response, he heard her sob and then throw up again. The sound of her retching made something ache in his chest and he winced.

"Kate," he said again once she was done. "Just unlock the door for me, please." A moment later, he heard her shuffle over and the lock clicked. Sighing with relief, he swung the door open.

She was already back on the floor, sitting with her arms wrapped around herself. He closed his eyes briefly—it almost caused him physical pain to see her this way.

"Can I get you something?" he asked, crouching in front of her. "Water, maybe? A blanket?" It wasn't cold in the apartment but she was shivering like a leaf.

"W-water," she croaked. He nodded, even though her head was bent so she couldn't see him. Silently, he got up and headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water. When he returned, he found her in the same position.

"Kate," he said gently. "Drink this, okay?" He held out the cup and she took it with a shaking hand. Once she'd drunk the whole thing without incident, he helped her to her feet and over to the sink so she could wash her face and brush her teeth. After that was accomplished, she looked at him.

"I guess you can go, Castle," she said. He shook his head.

"Nope," he said. "If you want, I'll call Lanie or someone to stay with you but there's no way I'm leaving you alone tonight."

Rolling her eyes, she pulled from his grasp and began to walk from the room. She made it approximately three steps before her legs gave out and she toppled. For once in his life, he was quick on his feet and he caught her.

"There, I've got you," he said breathlessly, struggling to help her regain her balance. She frowned but allowed him to help her to the living room couch where he wrapped her in a blanket before settling beside her.

They sat in silence for several minutes. Castle was at a loss. He didn't want her to sit there torturing herself, nor did he want to push her. After a moment, he touched her arm and was relieved when she didn't pull away.

"Kate," he said softly, "listen to me. I'm in no way trying to belittle what this is doing to you, but don't let him get to you, okay? He's a liar. He wants to hurt you."

She looked at him, her expression faraway. There was a deadness in her eyes that scared the crap out of him.

"He talked about sex with me," she said distantly, "like it was a game. Like it was enjoyable for both of us. He talked about the arousal he got from…from _raping_ me."

At least she was talking in full sentences. He gripped her hand.

"I know," he said, unable to think of anything else to say. "I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes. "I think I just want to go to bed. You don't have to stay, Castle."

He shook his head. "I'll be right here." He caught her hand as she stood up. "I'm here," he reiterated, "if you need anything."

"I know," she said. "Thank you." He watched as she slowly made her way to her bedroom and closed the door. Alone, he sagged back on the couch.

There was no way in hell he'd be getting any sleep.

Xxx

_She was in a dark room. The darkness was heavy and thick, the silence otherworldly._

_She didn't even hear him coming._

_He grabbed her, his hands heavy and large. They were hot, burning against her skin as he wrestled off her clothes. She was paralyzed, incapacitated, unable to fight back. She couldn't even scream._

_His hands were everywhere. His breath was hot and rancid on her face as he pressed her to the floor._

_No, no, no…she tried to beg. But she could make no sound._

_He was inside of her, his cock rough like sandpaper against her sensitive skin. Every thrust sent an ache rushing through her entire body. She was swelling, filling with puss, infected._

_Just as she was sure she was about to explode, she screamed._

Kate sat up in bed, gasping. Her scream still seemed to be echoing off the walls. She was still trying to catch her breath when her bedroom door crashed open.

"Kate!" the intruder cried.

She had to bite back another scream before she realized who it was.

"It's Castle," he said soothingly. "It's just me, Kate."

He approached slowly, perching on the edge of the bed. She was shaking so hard the mattress seemed to quiver. In spite of her best efforts, she could not control the trembling.

"Kate," Castle said. "It's okay. You had a nightmare."

_A nightmare. One that wasn't too far from the truth._ She bunched the bed-sheet in her fists and lifted it to her face. Castle was silent for a moment before taking her wrists and lowering them so her face was exposed.

"Let me help you," he begged. "Don't try to do this on your own." He lifted one hand to touch her cheek, pushing back her sweaty hair. She shuddered but leaned into his touch.

"He raped me," she blurted out raggedly. "He _raped_ me, Castle. I cried and _begged_ him not to but he did it anyway. He _forced_ me to…" She trailed off, choking on the words.

"I know," he said, stroking her hair. His free hand had found hers and he held it tightly.

"He held me down," she continued, unable to stop the flow of words. "He pinned me to the floor and forced himself inside of me. It _hurt…_You might not think it would but it _did._ He _laughed_ while he _violated_ me. His hands…they were _everywhere._ And he was inside of me…and it hurt so bad…"

Castle looked slightly ill but he held her gaze, not wavering. She let out a shuddery sob.

"He was my first," she gasped, "I'd never slept with anyone and _he_ was my very first time." With a soft wail, she fell into Castle's arms. Clearly, he'd been waiting for this. He was holding her instantly, rocking her back and forth as she cried.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I thought I was past it," she wailed, ignoring his words. "I'd _moved on._ I'd stopped feeling him everywhere…and now it's _back._" She had no idea if he could understand anything she was saying, she was crying so hard, but the words kept coming. "I feel _disgusting,_" she continued. "So dirty and _weak…_"

"You're not," he said fiercely. "You're _none_ of those things." He continued to hold her, pressing her against him. She could feel his pulse, steady and soothing.

"I didn't lie," she whispered. "I didn't lie…"

"I know," Castle replied gently. "I know, Kate."

She wasn't crying anymore—not really—but she clung to him still, not wanting to leave the safety of his arms. Seeming to sense this, he didn't let go.

"Don't believe a word he says," he told her firmly. "He's a lying bastard. He made you feel worthless and insignificant, like you were deserving of what happened to you. But none of that's true, Kate. You're not any of those things."

"I feel like I am," she said miserably. He hugged her tighter.

"I know," he said. "And if you can't believe it on your own right now, listen to me. Trust me when I tell you you're _not_ worthless and you _didn't_ deserve it and it _wasn't_ your fault."

She sighed softly, letting his words sink in. After awhile, he held her at arm's length, brushing her tangled hair off her face.

"You should try to get some rest," he said gently.

She nodded. "Don't leave," she blurted out. "I…I don't want to be by myself."

His eyes widened but he got her meaning. Slowly, he shifted to lie beside her under the covers. She'd thought about being in bed with him before but never quite like this.

"No jokes, Castle?" she murmured, settling once again into his arms. He kissed her hair gently.

"I'll let you off the hook for tonight," he said. She nodded, awed by his gentleness. He'd always been kind but she'd never known him to be so tender.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"You're welcome," he responded. "Now sleep."

"I'll try," she said.

Xxx

Long after Kate had relaxed in his arms, Castle laid awake. He wanted to be sure she'd fallen asleep before doing so himself. To go to sleep before her would be akin to leaving her alone.

And he'd promised he wouldn't do that.

He'd do whatever he could for her—even if it meant staying up all night. He'd only just gone to sleep on the couch earlier when her bloodcurdling scream had echoed through the apartment. It had nearly been enough to make his heart stop and he shuddered to think about what the dream that had caused it might have contained.

He frowned as he became aware of wetness on his shoulder. Glancing at Kate, he saw tears on her cheeks. He sighed.

"Kate?" he said quietly.

When he got no response his frown deepened—she was crying in her sleep. As she began to whimper, he cringed. Now that she was finally asleep, he hated to wake her. He wondered briefly if he could calm her while she was still asleep. He'd done it with Alexis when she was younger. She'd been suffering from nightmares and the pediatrician had recommended trying to soothe her without actually waking her up.

It had worked then, so he figured it was worth a shot now.

"Shhh," he murmured, wiping the tears from Kate's cheek. "Shhh," he repeated. "It's okay, no one's going to hurt you. You're safe, I promise. I've got you."

To his immense relief, he could feel her relaxing.

"Whatever you're seeing, Kate," he continued in a low voice, "it's not real. You're completely safe. I'm right here—I won't let anything hurt you."

Now that he was warmed up, he was on a roll, but there was no need to continue. Kate had gone limp and was sleeping peacefully again. Sighing, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to sleep.

Xxx

When Kate woke in the morning, she found the bed empty. Briefly, she wondered if the night before had all been some kind of elaborate dream. But before she could think about it further, she heard noises coming from the kitchen. Curious, she got out of bed and went to investigate.

Sure enough, Castle was there, standing over the stove.

"Morning," he said. "How's French toast sound?"

She blinked at him. "What time is it?" she rasped. Dear God, was that her voice? She sounded like _hell._

"Ten-thirty," he informed her. Her mouth fell open.

"Why'd you let me sleep so late?" she exclaimed. "I'm supposed to be at work!"

"I called in," he said soothingly. "You have the day off."

She eyed him suspiciously. "What'd you tell the Captain?"

He shrugged. "That Hammond made contact and you needed the day off. He had a few choice words for the bastard but he okayed the day off."

Sighing, she sagged into a chair. "Is there coffee or can you only manage breakfast?" she asked. He grinned.

"There's coffee but you need water first." At her frown, he shook his head and filled a glass, adding ice. "You're probably dehydrated," he said. "Drink the water and then you can have your coffee."

She wrinkled her nose but begrudgingly obeyed. Silence fell as he cooked and she sipped her water. Finally, she cleared her throat and spoke up.

"I appreciate all you've done, Castle," she said slowly, "but I think I'd like to be alone for a while if that's okay."

His face fell but he nodded. "Right after breakfast," he promised. "I have to make sure you eat, after all."

She forced a smile. "Right," she said. "Of course." Sighing, she watched him go back to his French toast.

God she was tired. While he cooked, she lowered her head to rest on her folded arms, not raising it until she felt something warm against her hand. When she raised her head, there was a mug of coffee in front of her.

"Can't deprive you," Castle said with a shrug.

This time her smile was almost genuine. "Thanks, Castle," she said. The words were woefully in adequate. "Really," she tried again. "I...I…um…"

"I know," he said, understanding what she was trying to say. "I get it. And you're welcome."

Xxx

**A/N2: I officially suck at chapter endings! Might be another delay but I'll do my best to get a new chapter up soon.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So sorry for the delay. I was busy with graduating college and moving home and fighting writer's block. But I think I know what I'm doing next so hopefully the next chapter will be up soon-ish.**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine, sadly.**

**xxx**

In the days that followed, Owen kept quiet. Besides the letter slid under her door, Kate hadn't heard a peep from him.

It was a relief, but she couldn't help but wonder if he was plotting. At any rate, the press seemed to have lost interest for the moment. The sordid past of Nikki Heat could only keep them occupied for so long, after all.

The peace was nice but a part of Kate wished she could find _something_ to bust Owen on, to punish him for the pain he'd caused.

"I just hate that he thinks he can get away with crap like this," she complained to Lanie one night over drinks. Her friend patted her arm.

"I know, honey," she said. "The guy's a slime ball. Just be proud of taking the high road, okay?"

Kate sighed. "I know," she said. "But sometimes the high road really sucks."

Lanie grinned and lifted her glass. "Amen, sister."

Xxx

Richard Castle considered himself a semi-compassionate person. He didn't feel the hurts of the world the way some people, like his daughter, for instance, did. But he recognized pain when he saw it and he could sympathize.

Less often did he _feel_ the pain of others. Really, he could only think of two people whose pain he felt. His daughter's and Kate Beckett's. Whenever Alexis was sick or hurt, his heart took a beating. He felt her pain for her as though by doing so he could take it away.

He'd felt Kate's pain on a number of occasions. When she'd told him about her mother. When she'd been forced to shoot Coonan—their only lead. Whenever she was reminded of her mother, her eyes would darken and he could see the sadness lurking there. And he ached for her.

Now, he watched her go about her business, almost _waiting_ for Owen to make his next move. He saw her weariness and it infuriated him.

He'd watched her fall apart, seen her at her most vulnerable. When he thought about what she'd been through, the pain he felt was almost unbearable. He wanted to _destroy_ the person who'd done this to her. He wanted Owen Hammond to _bleed._

But they hadn't heard a peep from him in nearly a week. He'd been quiet.

Castle hoped—for the scumball's sake—it stayed that way.

Xxx

"Pizza?"

Kate dragged her attention away from the murder board to focus on Castle.

"Sure," she said, taking a slice. "Thanks."

He grinned. "It's why you keep me around," he teased.

"That's for sure." She took a bite of her pizza. "You could probably go back to the Hamptons, you know," she said. "Now that the…drama…is over."

He shrugged. "I could. But I'd rather stay here and help."

"Annoy, you mean," she remarked dryly.

"Hey! I can be useful?"

She took another bite of pizza. "That so?" she asked. "You want to prove your worth?" She gestured to the murder board, outlining their latest case. "Help me figure this one out."

"Tough one," he remarked. Kate nodded in agreement. The young man had been an honor student at NYU, studying to be an architect. He'd been found brutally beaten to death and tossed in the river in a garbage bag. Kate ached for his family.

"Hate crime?" she suggested. She hated to think such things but Michael Rodriguez had been openly gay, earning the disdain of many classmates.

"Maybe."

She sighed. "We just don't have enough evidence," she lamented. "Even if we can figure out who did it, we have to _prove_ it."

"You will," he promised. "You'll figure it out and find the right evidence—just like you always do."

A tiny smile tugged at her lips. "I don't _always_ find the evidence," she protested.

"Almost always then." He looked at her, his gaze intense. "You'll figure this out, Kate. You're probably closer than you think."

She shrugged. She knew he was trying to help but she was having trouble being receptive at the moment. Sighing, she turned her attention back to the murder board, only to growl in frustration. They had _nothing._

"There's an answer," she said, setting down her half-eaten slice of pizza and crossing her arms. "There's an answer in here somewhere. I just can't _find_ it."

He stepped in front of her, blocking her view. "Hey," he said in a calm, reasonable voice. "Take a step back, okay?"

She scowled at him. "A step _back_?" she echoed. "I have to find a killer, Castle. Michael deserves justice. His parents deserve to know who killed their son. I have to give them _answers._"

"I know," he said. "And you can find them. Just stop trying so hard. And go easier on yourself." He remained in her line of vision, refusing to let her step around him. "You'll find the answer, Kate," he said.

"So?" she demanded. He wasn't doing anything wrong but she was frustrated. "What good are answers if I can't _prove_ it? What good is knowing who did it if I have no evidence? This isn't one of your novels, Castle. I need _facts._"

"And we'll find them," he said calmly. "We'll get the proof you need."

She sighed raggedly, running her hands through her hair. She had to bite back the urge to snap at him. It wasn't his fault but apparently he was going to be her personal punching bag today.

"Do you know why," he said quietly, "I chose you to be my inspiration for Nikki Heat?"

That made her smile slightly. "Because I'm tall?"

He chuckled. "Yes. But no. I chose you because you're _good_ at what you do. And more than that, you _care._ You're passionate about finding the truth and proving it. That's rare. And it inspired me from that very first case."

Startled, she could only look at him. It was one of the nicest things he'd ever said to her.

"I wanted to be a doctor," she blurted out. "When I was younger. Then I wanted to be a lawyer—you know, see justice served in the courts."

"Like it wasn't for you," he offered. She nodded.

"And the other victims," she said distantly. "I'd gotten into Harvard Law when my mom died, right before I graduated from Columbia. I made it through a semester of law school before I dropped out, moved home, and joined the police academy."

If he was surprised at her admissions, he didn't show it.

"You would've been great at anything you decided to do," he said, "but I'm glad you chose this."

She smiled. "Me, too," she said. "Most of the time."

"I know." He stepped aside so she could see the board again. "Now. Let's look through this step by step. Okay?"

She nodded, reclaiming her pizza. "Okay."

Xxx

It was a relief when they finally closed the case. It had indeed been a hate crime, carried out by a group of vicious classmates. While it wasn't a happy ending, the family had some answers at least.

Castle watched as Kate packed up to go home. She looked tired but satisfied. Hoping she wouldn't punch him, he strode over to stand beside her.

"Let me buy you dinner," he said without preamble. She raised an eyebrow.

"Dinner?" she echoed.

"Yes. You know—food, usually consumed in the evening." He put on his best puppy-dog look and stared at her.

"Fine," she sighed. "But nothing to fancy or whatever."

"Absolutely. I know of just the place." Grinning, he helped her gather the rest of her things an led the way out the door.

He took her to a little place not far from his apartment. It was fairly low-key but the food was delicious and they had live music most nights. There was a small dance floor and several couples already occupied it.

Kate looked apprehensive but she smiled at him as she picked up her menu. He watched her as she studied it. He knew now was _not_ the time to put the moves on her but _damn_ he wanted to. And this was almost like a date…

"Hey," she said after they'd ordered. "I'm sorry if I was kind of difficult during this case. I was stressed and I know I kind of took it out on you."

Surprised, he shook his head. "No worries," he assured her. "You were fine. And like you said, you've been stressed." He grinned to show her he was sincere before changing the subject to talk about his mother's summer play. Soon they were laughing and the dinner progressed quickly.

"That was delicious," she said once they were done. "Much better than the leftovers I would have heated up."

He rolled his eyes. He knew her better than that. "You wouldn't have eaten at all," he accused. She blushed and shrugged innocently.

"Maybe," she agreed.

He gazed around the room before turning back to her. "Wanna dance?" he asked.

She blinked. "Um…_dance_?"

"Yup," he said simply. After hesitating briefly, she nodded.

"Sure. Okay."

"Excellent." He got to his feet and offered her his hand. "Relax," he said as they situated themselves on the dance floor. "I won't bite."

"Yeah but I might," she grumbled. But she moved closer to him all the same.

They swayed in time to the music, not talking or teasing each other for once. He wanted to pull her closer, wrap his arms around her, but he didn't dare.

"Thank you," she said suddenly, her voice low.

"For what?" He was genuine confused, searching his mind for what she might be talking about. "Dinner?"

She shook her head. "No. I mean, yes. But not only dinner." She sighed softly. "You've been a good friend to me, Castle, especially recently. And I know I haven't always deserved it…"

"Sure you have," he interrupted. She shrugged.

"Maybe. Anyway…thank you."

He smiled. "You're very welcome," he said.

A few dances later, he escorted her off the floor and took her home. Ignoring her eye rolls, he walked her to her apartment door.

"Thanks for dinner," she said. "It was…fun."

"My pleasure. I had fun, too," he told her. He paused. "You'll be alright?"

She nodded. "Unless another crazed serial killer tries to blow me up, I think I'll be okay."

"That's not what I meant," he said. She smiled.

"I know," she responded softly. "And I'll be fine."

"Well then," he said, waiting while she unlocked her door. "Until tomorrow?"

She smiled over her shoulder as she stepped into her apartment. "Until tomorrow, Castle," she said.

Xxx


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: A million apologies for the delay! I beg your forgiveness! *Grovels***

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I have not acquired ownership of Castle in my absence.**

**xxx**

"Steven Thorne, 29," Lanie said, gesturing to the body they'd brought in earlier that day, which now lay across her autopsy table. "AKA Moose."

"Moose?" Castle echoed.

Lanie shrugged. "No idea. But he tested positive for heroin and he's wanted on drug trafficking charges."

Kate groaned. "Great," she said. "A dealer."

"Still have to find out who killed him," Lanie reminded her. "It definitely _wasn't_ an overdose."

Kate eyed the gunshot wound in Steve Thorne's head. "Clearly," she remarked. Sighing, she looked at her watch. It was nearly 9 o'clock. "Let's call it a night and start fresh tomorrow."

Castle and Lanie readily agreed. After saying goodnight to the ME, Kate headed for the elevator, Castle at her heels. He chattered away as they rode upstairs, telling her how he was having Ryan and Esposito over to play video games.

"Don't have too much fun," she told him as she paused at her desk to gather her things.

"We'll try," he promised. "G'night."

"'Night."

When she got outside, she sighed tiredly, wishing she'd driven to work. There wasn't a cab in sight. Groaning, she headed down the street, hoping to spot one.

She was still looking when a pair of hands grabbed her roughly from behind. Before she could react, her assailant had dragged her into an alley and slammed her hard against a brick wall.

She stared at the man, her breath coming in shallow gasps.

_Owen Hammond._

"Hi, Katie," he said. Not tearing his gaze from her face, he called out, "Search her."

She gasped as another man stepped from the shadows.

"Peter…"

Peter Avery grinned widely. He'd been good looking once, but the years had not been kind to him. His skin was sallow and his hairline was receding. His hands were rough and cold as they patted her down, searching for her service weapon. He let out a cry of triumph when he found it clipped to her ankle.

"If you scream, I'll shoot," he warned her.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, struggling against Owen's vice-like hold.

"Why for old time's sake, Katie," Owen said. "And to teach you to watch what you say about us." Positively leering at her, he fumbled with the waistband of her pants.

Seeing his momentary distraction, she wrenched away, managing to kick him in the shins. He swung at her, fists flying. She managed to dodge a few of his punches before his fist connected with her face.

A moment later, she was staring down the barrel of her own gun.

"Don't even think about fighting us," Peter said. Owen nodded in agreement and flung her to the ground. She bit back a scream as he delivered a kick to her side. She tried to roll away but another kick stopped her.

"Come on, Katie," he said. "This'll be fun."

He knelt over her, swiftly unbuttoning her pants and sliding his hand inside. Gathering her strength, she rolled him off of her, scrambled to her feet, and took off. As she stumbled down the alley, she fumbled for her phone.

She doubted she could make it very far and she needed to call for help. Owen's footsteps were gaining…Desperately, she pressed speed dial number one.

Castle.

As Owen tackled her, wrenching her arm hard behind her back with a sickening crack, she swore she heard it ringing.

Xxx

Castle sat on Kate's desk, waiting for Ryan and Esposito to be ready. It was already getting late and he knew they'd have an early morning, what with the case and all.

Not that finding a drug dealer's murderer was particularly high on his list of priorities. But a case was a case. And they had to solve it.

He was just about to go and annoy the detectives into hurrying up when his phone rang. Confused, he glanced at the caller ID—it was Kate.

"Kate?" he said, pressing the phone to his ear. Nothing—just a few gasps and a muffled cry. A moment later, scuffling. Then silence. "Kate!" he cried. He whirled to face Ryan and Esposito. "Can you get a trace on Kate's phone?" he demanded.

Not needing to be told twice, Esposito turned to his computer. "She's just down the street," he said a moment later, grabbing his gun. A white faced Ryan did the same, along with two detectives Castle didn't know, who tagged along wordlessly.

Outside, Esposito led the way down the street to a narrow alley. When they rounded the corner, Castle nearly screamed.

Directly in front of them was a man holding a gun he recognized as Kate's. When he saw them, his eyes widened. Just behind him, Kate lay on the ground, another man kneeling over her. Her pants were around her ankles but his were—thank God—still on. She was clearly trying to fight him off—he'd taken a few blows to the face—but he had her pinned.

"Avery!" he shrieked when he saw them. "Do something!"

The man with the gun—_Peter_ Avery, Castle assumed—flashed his companion a panicked look before firing.

Esposito went down.

Then, everything began happening very fast. Ryan shot and Avery collapsed. Then Ryan and the other two detectives charged forward to pull the other man—Owen Hammond, presumably—off of Kate, but not before she kneed him right between the legs. He howled in pain.

Castle had to grin at that—_atta girl—_but there were more pressing concerns at hand. He crouched beside Esposito, who was bleeding from the shoulder.

"You alright?" he asked worriedly. The detective nodded.

"I'm…fine…" he gasped. "Check…check on Beckett…"

Unconvinced but too worried about Kate to argue, Castle got up and hurried over to where Ryan was kneeling over the fallen detective. The other two were cuffing Hammond—and treating him extra roughly, Castle noticed.

"I've got this," he said to Ryan. "Call the paramedics and take care of Esposito."

Ryan nodded, glancing worriedly at Kate before hurrying off. Castle knelt beside her in his place.

"Kate," he said gently.

She blinked at him. "I was fighting him…" she gasped.

"I know," he said. "I saw. You really do kick some serious ass." Carefully, he pulled her partway into his lap.

"Esposito?" she asked.

"He's fine," he assured her, stroking her hair. He could already hear sirens. "And an ambulance is on its way."

She drew in a ragged breath, wincing in pain. "Thank you," she whispered. "You came…"

He shrugged. "Hey, you call, I come running. Isn't that how it works?"

She smiled faintly. "Yeah," she said. "Something like that."

He grinned back. "Exactly like that," he said. "Now just hang in there, okay? Stay with me."

"Okay," she said and she let him hold her until the ambulance arrived.

Xxx

When Kate opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was she was lying on a bed. The second thing she noticed was an IV in her arm

And the third thing she noticed was Castle holding her hand.

"Castle?" she croaked. His face lit up.

"Kate! You're awake!"

"Mmm-hmm," she agreed. "What time is it?"

"Almost six am," he informed her, adjusting her bed so she could sit up. She stared at him.

"Have you been here all night?" she asked.

"Just about." He studied her carefully. "How are you feeling?"

Thoughtfully, she assessed her body. There was a cast on the lower part of her left arm. Her left shoulder hurt but it wasn't immobilized. She eyed it curiously.

"Broken arm," Castle explained. "And you wrenched your shoulder pretty bad but the doc said it'll be okay as long as you take it easy."

She nodded. "What else?"

"A few cracked ribs, a few more bruised. No internal injuries, thank God. It could've been a lot worse."

"I know," she agreed, remembering. "How's Esposito?"

"He's fine," he assured her. "He needed surgery to remove the bullet but with some physical therapy, he'll be as good as new."

She sighed in relief. She never could have forgiven herself if anyone on her team had been badly injured saving her.

"And, um…" She cleared her throat. "Peter?"

"Unfortunately, he too will make a full recovery," Castle said. She rolled her eyes at him and he grinned.

"Does…does my dad know?" she asked worriedly. Instantly, Castle sobered.

"Yeah," he said. "Lanie and I went to tell him last night. I thought maybe it'd be best if he heard it from us."

She nodded. "That's good," she said. "Is he okay?"

He squeezed her hand. "He's fine. Worried about you, obviously. But he's okay. He called a friend and we waited with him until the friend got there. Someone named Frank. I think he's his…"

"AA sponsor," she interrupted, relieved. "Good." Whenever stress arose, she couldn't fight the nagging fear that her father would descend back into alcoholism. The idea scared her to death. Castle smiled gently at her.

"He wasn't alone at all," he promised. "And even if he had been…I don't think he would've done anything."

"I know," she said. "But thank you for making sure." She paused, smoothing the blankets nervously, unsure of how to proceed. "And, um, thank you for…" She trailed off, searching for the words. "For…for coming when I called."

A soft smile crossed his face. "Always," he said simply and she smiled back.

"So," she said, "when can I get out of here?"

He laughed. "Slow down, impatient one. You'll have to speak to your doctor. And speaking of doctors," he added, "I need to call Lanie. She's been worrying."

"Go," she urged him, "and then head home and get some rest. You look like crap."

"Always full of compliments," he teased. "But if you insist, I will go take a nap." With a quick grin, he kissed her cheek and strode from the room. She watched him go, smiling slightly.

Though she knew there were details to be worked out, statements to be given, and possible court appearances to be made, it finally felt over. She'd faced Owen once again.

And she'd won.

Xxx

**A/N2: Again, soooooooo sorry for the delay. Massive writer's block! I'm hoping the next chapter will be up way sooner.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sooooooooooooo sorry for the delay! I wrote this a few different ways and couldn't seem to get it right. I'm still not thrilled with it but here it is.**

**xxx**

By afternoon, Kate was already going slightly crazy with boredom. She hated being cooped up and the doctor had insisted she remain in the hospital until at least the following day. For observation, he said.

Her father had already visited and left again. He hated hospitals. Lanie, too, had come and gone, staying long enough to give her a hug followed by a light slap on the head, and instructions to stop scaring her like that.

Now she sat alone, flipping listlessly through TV channels. She wanted to get out of the hospital and do something useful but her doctor was at least as stubborn as she was and wouldn't relent. Scowling, she changed the channel again, pressing the button with more force than was probably necessary.

"What'd the TV ever do to you?" a voice asked from the doorway. She turned to see Castle standing there and grinned, inexplicably pleased to see him.

"There's nothing on," she huffed. "I'm bored."

He chuckled. "I thought you might be. Are you up for a little field trip?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Field trip?" she asked curiously. He nodded.

"Esposito happens to be staying in a room just down the hall and he's anxious to see you." He strode to the bed and gallantly held out his arm. "Shall we?"

She nodded eagerly. She'd been anxious to see her fellow detective as well. She rolled her eyes as Castle helped her out of bed.

"Okay?" he asked anxiously.

"Fine," she assured him. But she leaned on him slightly all the same—she _was_ quite beaten up. He wisely refrained from commenting and simply helped her along. When they stepped into Esposito's room, Ryan jumped up from a chair beside the bed and hurried to greet them.

"Beckett," he said, stopping in front of them. He hesitated briefly before pulling Kate into a hug. "You okay?" he asked in a low voice.

"I'm fine," she assured him, returning his embrace. She pulled back to look him in the eye. "Thank you," she said quietly. "For…" She trailed off. "Just…thank you."

He squeezed her uninjured shoulder. "We're a team," he said lightly. "You know I've always got your back."

She nodded, returning his smile as he ushered her toward the bed where Esposito sat propped up and looking good for someone who'd been shot the night before.

"Esposito," she sighed, sinking into a chair. He flashed her a lopsided grin and took her uninjured hand in his.

"Hey, Kate," he said. "You alright?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" she asked, blinking back tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey," he chided. "None of that. I'm _fine._"

"You were shot," she protested. "Why weren't you wearing vests?"

"We couldn't waste time getting to you," Ryan spoke up. Kate frowned at him.

"That makes me feel so much better," she said sarcastically. Esposito gripped her hand tighter.

"I'm _fine,_" he reiterated. "I promise. And it was worth it to make sure you were okay, that he didn't…" Esposito paused, cleared his throat "…hurt you."

Knowing what he meant, Kate bent down and hugged him as best she could, avoiding his bandages.

"Thank you," she murmured. He patted her back.

"You're welcome," he said. She raised her head, smiling sheepishly.

"You're sure you're alright?" she asked Esposito. He chuckled and nodded.

"Everyone's fine, Becks. We promise." He patted her hand gently. "We're all going to be just fine."

Xxx

Castle watched the team interact, smiling to himself. After some initial heavy emotion, they were chatting easily now, bickering over the inaccuracies in the detective movie Esposito had playing on TV.

It was good to see them relaxed. The past few weeks had been stressful for all of them. And the past few hours…well, they were very lucky things hadn't turned out differently. Castle was horrified by what had happened but it could have been much worse.

He was just about to jump in and settle the movie dispute when Ryan's cell phone trilled.

"Ryan," he said crisply, sounding an awful lot like Beckett. "Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. See you soon." He hung up, looking slightly sheepish. "That was Montgomery," he said. "We've got a lead on the drug dealer case. I gotta go." He looked at Castle. "You want to come, man? We could use you."

Castle shrugged. "Why not?" he decided. "You guys'll be alright, yeah?" he asked the other two. Kate rolled her eyes while Esposito nodded.

"I think we'll make it," he said. "Go on and find the scumbag who killed the scumbag."

Everyone laughed.

"You got it," Ryan said. "Be good, you two. No giving the doctors any trouble." He shot a pointed look at Kate, who Castle was beginning to sense was a notoriously difficult patient. She smiled innocently.

"Who, me?" she said. "Of course not."

Ooo

When he arrived back at the hospital in the evening, he found Kate lounging in bed, staring halfheartedly at the TV.

"Hey," she greeted him. "How's the case?"

He shrugged. "Alright. We've got a few leads."

She arched an eyebrow. "Care to share?"

"Sorry," he said. "Montgomery made me swear not to let you in on this one. He says you need to rest." This was only partially true. The leads were…pretty crazy, to say the least…and they'd all agreed to keep them from Kate and Esposito for now.

"Fine," she huffed, crossing her arms. "I was about to watch a movie," she offered. "Join me?"

He grinned. "Absolutely. Are there snacks?"

"Well, I was thinking about asking a nurse to bring me some ice-cream," she said, eyeing him. "I'm sure we could convince her to get some for you, too."

He flashed her his best charming grin. "You bet I can," he said. And, sure enough, ten minutes later, they each had a dish of ice cream in hand. As Kate flipped through the movie channels, Castle settled into a chair. She glanced at him.

"You could sit on the bed," she offered. Startled, he blinked at her.

"A-are you sure?" he stammered. She nodded and he settled carefully beside her on the bed, careful not to jostle her too much. "Good?" he asked. She nodded, actually leaning into his side.

"I haven't forgotten," she said quietly, "what we talked about when you came back…about Demming and Gina and all. And I don't know what I'm ready for…"

"Take your time," he urged, even as his heart leapt in his chest. She smiled.

"Thank you," she said. "I am. And this…this I'm ready for."

Grinning, he slid an arm around her and rubbed her shoulder lightly. "How are you feeling?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't shoot him for asking. Her brow furrowed.

"Alright," she said slowly. "Sore but alright." She looked at him carefully. "It could've been worse. Way worse."

"I know," he said. "But I'm still sorry it happened at all." The very thought of it made his chest tighten in anger.

"I know," she said quietly.

He glanced around, eyes falling on two new flower arrangements. "Where'd those come from?" he asked. She laughed.

"Your mother and daughter," she told him. "I already called them both to say thank you. It was very sweet of them."

"It's genetic," he teased, earning an eye roll.

"C'mon!" he protested. "I can be sweet."

"Okay," she allowed. "Maybe sometimes."

Xxx

Kate was relieved to get out of the hospital the next day. She hated being cooped up and was going stir-crazy. Even with orders to take it easy and not to go to work for a week, she was thrilled to be out of there.

"You're sure you'll be okay?" Castle asked as he walked her up to her apartment. She'd (albeit begrudgingly) agreed to let him drive her home.

"I'm fine," she assured him. "Thank you for the ride."

"Anytime," he said. "If you want, you could come over for dinner tonight."

She shook her head. "I think I'm going to stay in," she said. "Besides, Lanie's coming over."

"Tomorrow, then?" he offered. She shook her head again, ignoring the prick of disappointment she felt.

"My dad's already invited me."

"Alright," he said. "Later this week, maybe."

"Sure," she agreed, hoping he didn't think she was blowing him off. "Really," she added quickly. "I'd like that."

"Okay," he said. "Call if you need anything, alright?"

She smiled. "I will. Have a good night, Castle."

"You, too," he said.

Once he was gone, she sagged onto the couch. She was tired and in more pain than she cared to admit. Owen had really given her a beating and the physical aches—as well as the memory—were fresher than she would have liked.

Owen had attempted—again—to violate her. Maybe kill her this time. And he'd nearly succeeded. If her friends hadn't shown up…

She shook her head. There was no use thinking about What Ifs. The fact was, she was fine. Esposito was fine. Owen and Peter would be locked up for at least a little while. Not long enough, as far as she was concerned, but awhile.

It infuriated her that they would get out and probably go on hurting people. Maybe not on the same scale but scumbags like them always found ways to do harm. And it was entirely possible they'd come back to haunt her yet again.

Kate shivered. She couldn't think about that. She couldn't let them make her live in fear. Onward and upward, her mother liked to say.

She hadn't let those creeps win yet. And she wasn't about to start.

Ooo

Two days later, she was getting restless. Tired of sitting around in her apartment, she caught a cab and headed to the hospital.

"Hey," she greeted Esposito as she strode into his room.

"Beckett," he said in surprise. "What are you doing here? I figured you'd be avoiding this joint like the plague."

She laughed. "I was bored so I thought I'd stop by." At his raised eyebrow, she cringed. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I wanted to see you."

He grinned. "Can't just enjoy some time off?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Sadly, no."

"Well pull up a chair," he invited. "Stay awhile."

She obeyed, dragging a chair close to the bed. "When do you think they might let you go home?" she asked.

"Dunno. I guess when you get shot they don't set you free straight away," he teased. She nodded bleakly as his attempt at humor fell flat.

"I really am sorry," she said. "When I called for help, I wasn't thinking that I'd put you guys in danger…"

"I'm fine," he interrupted firmly.

"You were _shot_," she argued, the knots of guilt in her chest tightening.

"And I'm _fine_," he argued back. "What would have happened if we hadn't come?"

She shrugged. "I might've fought them off," she muttered stubbornly. He sighed.

"There were two of them and one of you. They had weapons and had taken yours. You can kick ass with the best of 'em but be reasonable, Beckett."

Frowning, she kept her gaze on the floor. When she didn't speak, he continued.

"They would have raped you, Kate," Esposito said grimly. "Both of them, probably. And then they probably would've killed you."

"They could've killed _you_," she argued. "Or Ryan or Castle…" She felt small and miserable and guilty. Sure, she'd gotten away relatively unharmed but it was finally hitting her what kind of danger she'd put her friends in. Not to mention Baxter and Rodriguez, the other two cops at the scene…cops she barely knew.

"We were willing," Esposito told her. "And as for Rodriguez and Bax…we didn't even ask them. They just came." He looked at her steadily. "Everyone's fine," he said. "And you didn't do anything wrong."

She raked her fingers through her hair. "I'm still sorry," she said.

"I know. But none of it was your fault."

"I guess," she mumbled. He patted her hand.

"It wasn't," he said firmly. "I promise."

Ooo

She and Esposito had settled in to watch a movie when Castle and Ryan crashed into the room. Astonished, Kate jumped up, ignoring the pain the movement sent jarring through her ribs.

"What the hell?" she asked.

Ryan was beaming, looking positively giddy. "We got the killers on the drug-dealer case!" he cried. Kate stared at him.

"Okay…" she said slowly. She didn't see what was so exciting about solving this particular case. Ryan was still grinning like a fool while Castle jumped from foot to foot like an excited kid, juggling a case file in his hands.

"And why is that important enough for you two to run in here loud enough to wake the dead?" Esposito asked. Ryan laughed in excitement.

"We'll explain," he said, taking Kate's hands and pulling her back to her chair. "Sit," he instructed, beaming. "I had a brainstorm the day after we took down Hammond and Avery," he explained. "I had some guys on Karpowski's team look into it." He grinned widely. "They found some stuff so Castle and I looked closer."

"You'd be proud," Castle added. "We were _really_ thorough. Covered all our bases so we're sure it'll hold up in court."

"And?" Kate prodded, still not seeing the significance. Castle waved the case file at her.

"It was _them_," he said. "It was Hammond and Avery. _They_ killed the drug dealer."

Kate nearly fell out of her chair. "Wh.._What?"_ she managed to gasp. Esposito was staring silently, mouth agape.

"They'd been using for awhile," Ryan said. "It could explain a lot, really. Anyway, they killed the drug dealer, right? Attacking you was a way to shut you up and get you out of the way…not to mention payback for the press conference and all."

"And…and you're _sure_?"

Castle nodded. "We're all sure. The Captain…Everyone." He grinned. "They're going to jail, Kate. For _life._ They won't ever hurt anyone again."

Kate was crying; she couldn't help it. The tears bubbled up and flowed freely down her face. "Oh my God," she whispered.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed. "Pretty much."

With a strangled sob, Kate threw her arms around and hugged him tightly before moving onto Castle.

"Thank you," she choked out. "_Thank you._" Impulsively, she leaned back in his arms and kissed him. When she drew away, he was staring at her. She smiled slightly. Not needing any more encouragement, he kissed her deeply, mumbling against her lips.

"You're welcome."

Xxx

**A/N: I can't help but feel this chapter is a little clichéd. But I wanted those bastards in jail forever without hurting more innocent (though fictional) people. Anyway, thanks for reading. There'll be at least one more chapter and probably an epilogue.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was a little stuck. I hope you enjoy this one!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. If I owned Castle I would not be living in apartment with a window that won't close near the railroad tracks.**

**xxx**

As Castle drew his lips away from Kate's, he could feel the stares of her coworkers.

"Um," he said. Kate was blushing and he couldn't seem to get a proper sentence out. Ryan and Esposito were both grinning.

"About time," Esposito said.

"I'll say," Ryan agreed.

Still blushing, Kate cleared her throat and bent to pick up the file, which had fallen on the floor.

"Can I look at this?" she asked. When Ryan nodded she settled back into her chair and began flipping through it. She didn't look at Castle but she also didn't protest when he rested a hand on her shoulder.

After a few minutes, she looked up, actually appearing impressed.

"Good work, guys," she said. "Really excellent."

"You think it'll hold up in court?" Ryan asked anxiously. Kate nodded.

"I do," she said. "It's rock solid. You did great."

Ryan blushed but met her eyes. "I learned from the best," he said. "And Castle helped a lot."

"Of course I did," Castle boasted. "I'm awesome like that." He grinned when his comment elicited an eye-roll from Kate. "Anyway," he said to Esposito, "are they letting you eat real food?"

"Yeah. Whatever I want."

"Excellent. How about I go grab a pizza and we can celebrate?"

Esposito and Ryan both looked tempted but then shook their heads.

"You should take our girl here for dinner," Esposito said.

Kate blushed and tried to glare but a smile tugged at her lips all the same. Castle grinned; that was the response he'd been hoping for.

"Cool," he said. "See you two tomorrow?"

"Sure thing," Esposito said. "With any luck I'll be out of here in a few days." He looked at Kate. "Thanks for dropin' by, Becks."

"Sure," she said, patting his hand as she got up. "Thank you," she said to Ryan, giving him a quick hug. She paused awkwardly, blushing again. "That was good work…I'm proud of you."

He patted her arm. "I'm just glad those bastards are in jail where they belong," he said. "They deserve it."

"Yes," she agreed. "Well, have a good night."

"We will. And I'm _sure_ you will as well," Esposito smirked. Kate rolled her eyes, whacked him lightly on the arm and followed Castle out the door. In the elevator, they were finally alone.

"Well," he said. She bit her lip.

"Well," she echoed. He cupped her face in his hand, brushing her cheekbone lightly with his thumb.

"Can I take you on a date?" he asked. She nodded.

"I think I'd like that a lot."

Xxx

Her first real date with Castle was surprisingly non-awkward. They talked easily over dinner, teasing and cheerfully bickering as they usually did. He filled her in on the details of the case against Owen and Peter and she listened appreciatively.

"Thank you," she said, not for the first time. For once, he looked modest.

"It's just catching killers," he said. "It was a case, just like any other."

"Not like any other," she disagreed. "You went the extra mile. And not because that drug dealer needed justice."

"That's true…" he began.

"You did it for me," she interjected. "You did it because they hurt me."

"Yes," he agreed. He reached across the table for her hand, looking painfully earnest. "I'd like to kill them for what they did to you," he said.

"I know." She squeezed his hand. "But this is good. Knowing they can't hurt anyone anymore."

"I'm sorry they hurt anyone at all," he said soberly. She sighed.

"Me, too. But it was an okay ending, considering." She smiled slightly. "Is this how you would've written it?"

He paused, looking thoughtful. "Naw," he said finally. "I would've had Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook take out the bastards in some kind of epic battle."

"Right," she said. "I should have known."

"Definitely," he chided. "You totally should have known."

Ooo

When he dropped her off that night, she forced herself to send him home.

"I want to take this slow, Castle," she said. He nodded.

"Me, too. And you know…you can call me 'Rick' sometimes…"

She felt her cheeks heat up as she blushed. "Rick," she tried it out. "I mean…I want to do this. But I don't want to rush."

"Me either. You mean too much to me for that."

She felt a chill run up her spine at his words. "You mean that? I'm not just another one of your…" she swallowed, ashamed for even thinking it "…conquests?"

"No," he said softly. "You're the real deal." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. The gesture was inexplicably sweet and she shuddered slightly.

"So are you," she said quietly. "The real deal, I mean." She moved to caress his face; it was rough with stubble under her palms. "I'm trusting you," she murmured, "not to break my heart."

"I won't," he vowed. "And, for the record, I'm trusting you not to break mine."

"Never," she said. They looked at one another a moment longer before he finally dipped his head and kissed her on the lips. When they drew apart, he pulled her into a gentle embrace.

"I should go," he whispered, "before I lose control and stop taking it slow."

"Okay," she agreed. "I'll, um, call you tomorrow."

"Great," he said. He kissed her once more and backed away. She stayed outside her apartment until he was out of sight. Then she slipped slowly inside, a smile lingering on her lips.

She was getting ready to take a warm bath with a good book (one of his, she had to admit) when her phone rang.

"Kate?" he said when she answered.

"What's up?" she asked. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Kate…" He paused. "I, uh, I think I might sort of love you…is that okay?"

She almost laughed at his uncertainty.

"Yes," she assured him. "It's okay. I think I might sort of love you, too."

He sighed in relief and now she really did laugh. After a moment, he joined in.

"Great," he said. "Goodnight, KB."

"Goodnight, Rick." His first name slid off her tongue with more ease than she'd expected, eliciting another pleased chuckle before he hung up.

As she got into the bath, she was smiling to herself.

Xxx

After getting off the phone with Kate (she thought she might sort of love him!) he called his daughter.

"Hey, Dad," she said. "What's up? How's the case? How's Beckett?"

"Good and good," he said. "We nailed the guys for killing the drug dealer. They'll be in jail for life."

"Awesome!" she cried. "Was Beckett happy?"

"Very," he said. "And definitely relieved they can't hurt anyone again."

"Totally," she agreed. "Anyway, what else is new?"

He paused, gathering himself. He knew she liked Kate and he hoped she'd take the new development in their relationship well.

"Dad?" Alexis prodded.

"I'm here," he said. "Um…sweetheart…Kate and I are a couple now." He closed his eyes, waiting for a response.

"About time!" she nearly shrieked. "I thought you'd never get your heads on straight."

He laughed aloud in relief. "You're okay with it?"

"Okay?" she echoed. "I think it's great. Beckett is awesome."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I think so, too. Anyway, how are things with you?"

"Great!" she said enthusiastically. "Want to hear?"

"Absolutely," he said, and they spent the next hour talking about her summer program. He listened eagerly, happier than he'd been in months.

Xxx

**A/N 2: Short one, I know. But it felt like a good place to stop. There'll be another chapter or so, I think. Not sure how many yet. But the main plot is mostly wrapped up. Review if you wish. They make my day!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Last chapter! Just kind of a wrap-up. But you Caskett lovers out there should enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Otherwise they would've at least kissed by now.**

**xxx**

_One Year Later_

Kate wandered around the living room aimlessly, lost in thought.

A lot had changed in the past year. She'd moved in with Castle six months earlier; that change was evidenced by photos of the two of them and Alexis on family outings scattered around. Owen and Peter were in jail—where they would remain for life. The beautifully framed photograph of Kate and Olivia with their mothers, a gift from the Kents after the conviction, was evidence of that. She was close to Olivia's parents again and, while it was sometimes painful, she was realizing that remembering hurt less than forcing herself to forget.

"Kate?"

She turned to see Alexis standing in the doorway. "Hey, Lex," she said. "What's up?"

Alexis held out an envelope. "This came for you," she said. "I don't recognize the return address."

Curious, Kate took it. It was postmarked from somewhere in Connecticut and the return address read _Elizabeth Watson_. The name tugged at Kate's memory but she couldn't place it. Alexis watched her as she sank down on the couch to read it.

_Dear Kate,_

_I hope it's okay for me to call you Kate. You're probably a little confused right now. My name is Elizabeth Watson—you knew me as Liz Colby back at Columbia. We were both pre-med and had a lot of classes together—we studied together often. I left after freshman year._

_It's taken me a long time—too long—to write and I'm sorry for that. It took me some time to get up the courage and then I was not sure what to say. I hope I'm not overstepping now._

_I like to think we were friends during the first part of our freshman year at Columbia. We studied together quite a lot and would often grab lunch or a snack after class. Sometimes I would hang out with you and your friend Olivia. I don't know if you remember. If you do, then you'll remember how I suddenly started ignoring you and avoiding you with no explanation._

_I was one of Owen Hammond and Peter Avery's victims. In March of our freshman year, Owen raped me while Peter stood guard. I knew Owen was your boyfriend and after that I couldn't bear to look at you. I honestly—and probably naively—thought you knew. I was eighteen years old and I was scared and confused. I truly believed that you knew what Owen was doing and could have prevented what happened to me. _

_I was wrong of course. But I stopped talking to you and avoided you at all costs. I heard what happened to you—and to Olivia—of course but that was at the end of the year and I left Columbia soon after and never looked back. I was too confused and too ashamed to contact you._

_When I heard what Owen was saying about you (I am, I admit, a Richard Castle fan), part of me believed him. It was easier to think I was right all those years ago in how I treated you than to accept that I was in the wrong. I saw your press conference and I almost got in touch with you. But I didn't._

_Like everyone else, I heard what happened next, what Owen and Peter tried to do to you. I heard how you fought them off and called for help and how your friends were able to tie them to a drug dealer's murder. Now they're in jail and can't ever get out—partially thanks to you._

_I've rambled on long enough I think. What I'm really trying to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for believing the worst of you and for how I treated you. I'm sorry for being a coward—maybe if I'd come forward with what happened to me they would have been caught. Maybe they would not have hurt you and Olivia would be alive. (My much belated condolences about that, by the way—I know she was your best friend.) I wish I would have contacted you long ago._

_And, finally, I wanted to thank you. As I said, I believe their arrest is partially thanks to you. Knowing they are in jail for life has brought me peace that I wasn't able to find after I was raped. So thank you. The way you handled all of it was truly inspiring._

_I would love to hear from you if you so desire but do not feel pressured to write back. I hope I haven't committed a grand faux pas by writing to you._

_Yours truly,_

_Liz_

Astonished, Kate stared at the paper in her hands. She had to read it twice before she could fully absorb it.

She remembered Liz well. She recalled the hurt and confusion she'd felt when the other girl had so abruptly cut her off. She hadn't learned until later that Liz was one of Owen's victims. It still made her blood boil to think of him targeting her friends.

The letter was sweet and obviously sincere. She knew she would write back. Perhaps they could even strike up some semblance of a renewed friendship.

"Kate?" Alexis prodded. "You okay? Who's the letter from?"

Kate held it out. "You can read it," she said. Letting Alexis read the letter would be easier than trying to explain.

"You sure?"

"Go ahead."

Alexis looked hesitant but she took the letter and perched on the coffee table to read. Once she had finished, she got up and moved to wrap Kate in a hug, resting her chin on top of her head.

"Wow," she said. "Are you going to write to her?"

"I think so," Kate mused. "I can at least ease her guilt a little."

Alexis tightened her grip. "You really are amazing," she said.

Kate hugged her back with equal force. "Thanks, sweetie. Now," she said, drawing back. "We should probably start getting ready for that dinner your father has planned. Do you know why he's taking us out?"

Alexis shook her head. "He's Dad," she said. "He doesn't need a reason."

Kate laughed. "That is definitely true," she said.

Ooo

Dinner was filled with typical Castle extravagance. He presented her with a huge bouquet of flowers—along with a smaller one for Alexis—and took them to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. He'd booked them a fairly private table in a quiet dining room. The food was delicious—as it usually was when out to dinner with him—and all three of them chatted animatedly.

Just before dessert she got up to use the restroom and when she returned her place at the table not only had the cheesecake she'd ordered but a small black box as well.

"Oh, my God," she said. Tears immediately sprang to her eyes as she opened it. Sure enough, inside there was a sparkling diamond ring. "Oh, my God," she repeated, looking up to meet Castle's gaze.

"I love you," he said. "You're my inspiration and the love of my life. Will you marry me?"

She could only stare at him, a lump clogging her throat.

"Well?" Alexis pressed eagerly. "What do you say, Kate? Will you marry him and become my not-so-evil stepmother?"

Kate released a shaky laugh. "Well, when you put it that way…" she said. "Yes. Of course I will."

Beaming, Castle leaned over and kissed her before sliding the ring on her finger and wrapping her in a hug. They hadn't even drawn apart before a squealing Alexis joined the embrace.

"Congratulations you two!" she cried. She planted a kiss on her father's cheek and then Kate's. "You'll be the best evil stepmother ever," she declared. They laughed together as she pranced over to the waiter, holding out her camera. "Will you take our picture?" she asked.

He looked dubious but agreed. "Say cheese," he said dutifully as they clustered together. They all grinned widely.

"Cheddar!" Alexis said while Kate called out,

"Parmesan!"

And Castle proudly declared, "Limburger!"

_Click._

Xxx

Castle looked at the woman lying beside him in awe. He could hardly believe that the beautiful, extraordinary Kate Beckett was his _fiancé._

In a little over a year they'd come so far. He'd always known she was strong but watching her the previous summer had blown him away. If he hadn't loved her before that, he certainly had afterwards. He was in awe of her. And, against all odds, they'd made it as a couple.

Slowly, he ran a hand down her bare arm. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at him.

"Hi," she said lazily.

"Hey." He grinned at her. "I love you," he said.

"I love you too." She held out a hand to admire her engagement ring—clearly, he'd chosen well. "Who would've ever thought?" she mused. "Richard Castle and his real-life Nikki Heat, getting married."

"Practically seems like fiction," he agreed. He pressed a light kiss to her head. "Are you going to write back to that friend of yours?" he asked.

She nodded. "I think so."

"Good," he said. "Good for you. I'm proud of you."

For once she didn't roll her eyes. She merely snuggled into his arms. "I owe a lot to you," she murmured. "You have no idea how much."

He pulled her closer in response. It hadn't been so long ago that she'd broken his heart and he'd unknowingly broken hers. And now they were here—engaged to be married.

"Kate?" he said quietly.

"Mmm?"

He drew back slightly in order to kiss her.

"How would you feel about a weekend in the Hamptons?"

-_end-_

Xxx

**A/N 2 (and last!): Well you made it. The ending made me giggle. Thanks so much for sticking with me! There may or may not be a sequel in the future. I have a few ideas but they may not ever make a story. Thanks again!**


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